debka_notion | Maybe I'm coming down with something?

Between how much I'm sleepig (actually, that may just be me trying to catch up on sleep from a pretty darn busy and low-sleep semester) and the fact that I got quite cranky today while mostly unsuccessfully present-shopping, my only thought is that perhaps I'm coming down with something. Other than that, today was pretty uneventful. I really just want to read easy-reading sorts of stuff right now, but I'm not really wanting to read much of what I actually have. Maybe it's time for a trip to the library. One of these days. Quite possibly I'm just hitting that home-for-a-prolonged-period-of-time point where it's sinking in that I'll be here for a while, but when I have yet to actually adjust to being home. That's always the weird part. So life goes on, but it feels pretty weird. I'm settling into taking-care-of-other-people mode to a certain extent, between steve's general overwhelmedness, steve and steve, and steve's continued choice to decide that everything I say is wrong. It's understandable, but I'm still not sure I'm taking the best response possible. So I'm going to take a bit of thinking time and write back tomorrow or the day after. Not my usual style at all (I hate not being prompt), but it seems like a good idea here. RIght now seems to be a general time for relationship excitement: formation, destruction, post-destruction angst... Weird. Or maybe not- post-finals people have time for that sort of thing, I guess. At some point Em is going to go to visit her boyfriend in Philly for a bit, and she leaves to go back to school about a week before I do- I realized I've never been home without her for longer than a few days. I shouldn't have too hard a time adjusting, but it will be different. She had a whole year where she was home and I was at school. Clearly, I was never in that position. Instead, I'd come home and she'd be resentful of attention and access time that she was used to having being given to me. This clearly won't be enough time for that, but it will be odd. Even if over this summer I was mostly on my own in a way: I had my evening family-interaction hours, and other than that, I pretty much kept to myself: I wasn't up until everyone else left, and I was awake at night on the computer long after they went to sleep. It worked. I do wonder what next summer will be like. This one, I'm realizing, was very much shaped around Nathan. It gave me lots of time away from home, something to focus on, attention, etc. I wonder if not having that would/will be pretty intensely lonely. Not that I didn't have a bunch of contact with other people- but well- it was a Lot of emotional boosting. Well, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. But the idea is kind of scary. I rely a lot of emotional contact, at this point. On the other hand, I spent years spending much of my time alone. On the other hand (I seem to have more hands in this situational model than most aliens I've encountered) I didn't enjoy that time very much at all. Go figure. I really ought to worry less about the future. I give up for now.