Focus

So why is it that I spend so much time focused and worrying about how other people are relating to each other, and how they're doing? When I was thinking about what I'd write later tonight, I just realized that almost all my real serious thoughts are about other people, there being assorted social insanity going on as usual in various spheres. I know I really should invest more of my emotional energy in my own needs, but somehow it's much more fulfilling to take care of other people. This is not a new reflection: I've talked to my parents about it, and I gather it's a Cohen/Kosowsky family trait of long standing, especially from my Dad's parents in particular: somewhat less from their siblings, etc. But well: that is the way my grandparents' entire marriage worked: they each cared more about taking care of the other one than theirselves. But somehow I think that is a very unusual sort of situation, and very much based on their own not so happy backgrounds. And if the other person isn't entirely as devoted to that same idea, then one person gives and the other receives, and I've certainly experienced how unpleasant and unhealthy that gets in the long run, just in friendships. It's one of those areas that's hard to balance. I definitely notice many people who are oriented either too much towards other people or twoards themselves. I don't know if you ever can be completely balanced there. I'm not even sure if I should be. But I think being a bit more so might be good. Just looking at this journal, I talk a lot about other people, and am often tempted to do so more, but don't want to be telling other people's problems or secrets around.

In less deep topics: I hate having a sore throat: it annoys me.

Focus

So why is it that I spend so much time focused and worrying about how other people are relating to each other, and how they're doing? When I was thinking about what I'd write later tonight, I just realized that almost all my real serious thoughts are about other people, there being assorted social insanity going on as usual in various spheres. I know I really should invest more of my emotional energy in my own needs, but somehow it's much more fulfilling to take care of other people. This is not a new reflection: I've talked to my parents about it, and I gather it's a Cohen/Kosowsky family trait of long standing, especially from my Dad's parents in particular: somewhat less from their siblings, etc. But well: that is the way my grandparents' entire marriage worked: they each cared more about taking care of the other one than theirselves. But somehow I think that is a very unusual sort of situation, and very much based on their own not so happy backgrounds. And if the other person isn't entirely as devoted to that same idea, then one person gives and the other receives, and I've certainly experienced how unpleasant and unhealthy that gets in the long run, just in friendships. It's one of those areas that's hard to balance. I definitely notice many people who are oriented either too much towards other people or twoards themselves. I don't know if you ever can be completely balanced there. I'm not even sure if I should be. But I think being a bit more so might be good. Just looking at this journal, I talk a lot about other people, and am often tempted to do so more, but don't want to be telling other people's problems or secrets around.

In less deep topics: I hate having a sore throat: it annoys me.