Communication is a Virtue

Today seems to be telling me that I need to be firmer when I say things. Or more accurately, that I need to say what I think. It isn't that I'm not aware that this is something that is a weaker point for me (especially in person- it's easier to hold one's own on paper or via computer, although even that takes concentration). It's just that I need to remember it, and consciously work on it- just like any other weak point. Example 1- yesterday's entry. Example 2- Samara was kvetching in the car about having to have this rehearsal, and while I agreed that it would be better if we hadn't had to, and it would be nice if it could have been nearer to us, rather than all the way at MIT, well, I care about HaMakor, and I wasn't really that resentful of the whole thing- mostly I was just nervous about getting lost again for huge amounts of time. (We didn't get lost. I was quite, quite proud of us.) But regardless, she was so cranky about it that I felt pretty darn cranky about it too for a good while. Heck, I Know to expect Judith to be perpetually late- it doesn't usually irk me quite that much. But the idea stands. It takes work not to be a push-over.

As it turns out, rehearsal was useful and went quite well. I now actually have my costume with me- it's this sort of shapeless yellow dress, and a white headband, worn to sort of simulate a kaffiyeh band (think Arabic headdress). Judith had presented these as being see-through- they weren't: they showed some underwear lines, and that's it. Not quite as big a deal- that's rather easier to take care of. But this dress is definitely just a HaMakor costume- not something I'd wear in real life- not that color. But it works pretty well, I think, and it goes with Matthew's multi-colored coat, and it's all Set. I'm pretty pleased with that. And rehearsal got plenty done, and we took care of just a few fine-tuning sorts of details, like where we're looking at any point in the dance that should make a real difference in how it looks. I'm still nervous about having my choreography performed in front of that many people who will know what they're doing and know about IFD, and the like- but hopefully it'll go ok. ANd next year if I have to choreograph again, I'll know a bit more about choosing music that's easier to work with (in 4, with a regular beat), and will work on it longer in advance, and know more about what I need to think about about working on a stage, and the like. In the meantime- hopefully this will work and look alright. And somehow this was a happier rehearsal, overall.

After I got back, I went to Dave's and we had a talk about some of the usual relationship stuff, and then I did some of my work in his room- it's nice to have company. It was, over all, a nice evening. We got some things talked about that needed to be (the usual sorts of things), and it's reassuring to know that they're taken care of. Once again, figuring out the right balance for any new relationship takes more effort than I remember. That goes for friendships too. Amazing how anxious I can get when I don't know where the expectations and boundaries lie. Things are far too confusing and difficult that way.

Communication is a Virtue

Today seems to be telling me that I need to be firmer when I say things. Or more accurately, that I need to say what I think. It isn't that I'm not aware that this is something that is a weaker point for me (especially in person- it's easier to hold one's own on paper or via computer, although even that takes concentration). It's just that I need to remember it, and consciously work on it- just like any other weak point. Example 1- yesterday's entry. Example 2- Samara was kvetching in the car about having to have this rehearsal, and while I agreed that it would be better if we hadn't had to, and it would be nice if it could have been nearer to us, rather than all the way at MIT, well, I care about HaMakor, and I wasn't really that resentful of the whole thing- mostly I was just nervous about getting lost again for huge amounts of time. (We didn't get lost. I was quite, quite proud of us.) But regardless, she was so cranky about it that I felt pretty darn cranky about it too for a good while. Heck, I Know to expect Judith to be perpetually late- it doesn't usually irk me quite that much. But the idea stands. It takes work not to be a push-over.

As it turns out, rehearsal was useful and went quite well. I now actually have my costume with me- it's this sort of shapeless yellow dress, and a white headband, worn to sort of simulate a kaffiyeh band (think Arabic headdress). Judith had presented these as being see-through- they weren't: they showed some underwear lines, and that's it. Not quite as big a deal- that's rather easier to take care of. But this dress is definitely just a HaMakor costume- not something I'd wear in real life- not that color. But it works pretty well, I think, and it goes with Matthew's multi-colored coat, and it's all Set. I'm pretty pleased with that. And rehearsal got plenty done, and we took care of just a few fine-tuning sorts of details, like where we're looking at any point in the dance that should make a real difference in how it looks. I'm still nervous about having my choreography performed in front of that many people who will know what they're doing and know about IFD, and the like- but hopefully it'll go ok. ANd next year if I have to choreograph again, I'll know a bit more about choosing music that's easier to work with (in 4, with a regular beat), and will work on it longer in advance, and know more about what I need to think about about working on a stage, and the like. In the meantime- hopefully this will work and look alright. And somehow this was a happier rehearsal, overall.

After I got back, I went to Dave's and we had a talk about some of the usual relationship stuff, and then I did some of my work in his room- it's nice to have company. It was, over all, a nice evening. We got some things talked about that needed to be (the usual sorts of things), and it's reassuring to know that they're taken care of. Once again, figuring out the right balance for any new relationship takes more effort than I remember. That goes for friendships too. Amazing how anxious I can get when I don't know where the expectations and boundaries lie. Things are far too confusing and difficult that way.