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I always struggle with Tisha B'Av. I try to get into the right mood, but I feel so ambivalently about the Temple in any number of respects that I rarely get there, and when I do, it doesn't last very long. Last year's Tisha B'Av was a mixture of anger and misery- anger at some of the way the holiday was handled at camp, and misery in working in the kitchen making sandwiches nearly all day while fasting and working with a room full of unhappy fasting people- and yet not being able to simply serve the kids the nearest equivalent to peanut butter sandwiches or yogurt, but instead having to do a rather annoying hot lunch. Children are supposed to be learning to fast- wouldn't a simple, cold lunch be a good step on that path?
Regardless, this year has been rather different thus far. Fasting has been challenging in different ways, but at least while praying, I've had a few thoughts actually relevant to the holiday. I suppose that my primary association for this year has been a metaphor of growing up and the pain of losing one's childhood. It is particularly relevant for some of the things that I have been thinking about with my own life right now, and it seems like a very accurate metaphor for the destruction of the Temple and the exile. The destructions led to the transformation that changed Judaism from a local, ethnic religion into one that could travel across the globe, and which would have a structure and backbone that would be able to deal with changing situations. Change of that sort rarely can happen without some sort of trauma to begin it.
That paints a rather positive picture to be using for this intentionally depressing holiday. Instead, I would take that response as the way I might approach the destruction of the Temple in general- and make today the one day when we are allowed to mourn the lost childhood of our people, when things were simpler and we had fewer responsibilities, and different sorts of challenges. Just because adulthood is overall the way we are intended to be, once we are ready, does not mean that we can't occasionally yearn for a more bounded, and therefore easier world- and the same would go for our relationship with our divine Parent.
At least, this is what's working for me this year, right now. It's certainly better than nothing.
Regardless, this year has been rather different thus far. Fasting has been challenging in different ways, but at least while praying, I've had a few thoughts actually relevant to the holiday. I suppose that my primary association for this year has been a metaphor of growing up and the pain of losing one's childhood. It is particularly relevant for some of the things that I have been thinking about with my own life right now, and it seems like a very accurate metaphor for the destruction of the Temple and the exile. The destructions led to the transformation that changed Judaism from a local, ethnic religion into one that could travel across the globe, and which would have a structure and backbone that would be able to deal with changing situations. Change of that sort rarely can happen without some sort of trauma to begin it.
That paints a rather positive picture to be using for this intentionally depressing holiday. Instead, I would take that response as the way I might approach the destruction of the Temple in general- and make today the one day when we are allowed to mourn the lost childhood of our people, when things were simpler and we had fewer responsibilities, and different sorts of challenges. Just because adulthood is overall the way we are intended to be, once we are ready, does not mean that we can't occasionally yearn for a more bounded, and therefore easier world- and the same would go for our relationship with our divine Parent.
At least, this is what's working for me this year, right now. It's certainly better than nothing.