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Today I wore a non-scarf headcovering in public in Israel. It achieved no notice, so far (watch something happen when I go dancing tonight, now that I've said that. I know that that is a problematic statement of its own sort, but not to get Too far off topic...), probably because I went for a kippah large enough to be something a married woman might wear as a hat, if she were quite liberal about what kisui rosh (head covering) means...
However, that thought in and of itself gave me this rather quixotic thought. Basically, the reason I have not gotten a gizillion questions and comments about my head covering is that I've specifically chosen ones that blend it. They blend in because they are similar, if not identical, to ones worn to indicate marital status (with whatever other implications). However, that does not make me feel comfortable wearing head coverings that I associate more strongly than these ones inherently with those worn by married women- e.g. I still feel uncomfortable with wearing hats, or scarves that cover all my hair, because they still Feel like I'm sending a purposefully incorrect social signal. And yet intellectually I know that the reason I'm not getting all sorts of flack, confusion, etc is because I am sending exactly that same incorrect social signal. Therefore, the two ought to be identical.
I suppose that the difference is that those are stronger, clearer signals than the ones that I am piggy-backing on. Certain sorts of scarves, tied in certain sorts of ways are much more emphatic- they generally cover all of one's hair. However, I realize that I'm now privileging a certain vision of what it means to cover one's head/hair as a married woman over others (although I realize that that is unavoidable), and it is not necessarily the vision that I necessarily hold by- although admittedly, I don't know what I hold by in that regard, not having yet needed to make that decision for myself.
I suppose that my dissatisfaction with this situation is that I'm willing to present a certain degree of confusion and ambiguity to the world, but not to "poach" on territory that is perhaps somewhat more confusing and less ambiguous. However, I'm unsure of how clear that difference is. It's just how my own social cues are combining with those of a different social situation- and I'm finding the areas of overlap and differentiation sort of confusing to work out.
However, that thought in and of itself gave me this rather quixotic thought. Basically, the reason I have not gotten a gizillion questions and comments about my head covering is that I've specifically chosen ones that blend it. They blend in because they are similar, if not identical, to ones worn to indicate marital status (with whatever other implications). However, that does not make me feel comfortable wearing head coverings that I associate more strongly than these ones inherently with those worn by married women- e.g. I still feel uncomfortable with wearing hats, or scarves that cover all my hair, because they still Feel like I'm sending a purposefully incorrect social signal. And yet intellectually I know that the reason I'm not getting all sorts of flack, confusion, etc is because I am sending exactly that same incorrect social signal. Therefore, the two ought to be identical.
I suppose that the difference is that those are stronger, clearer signals than the ones that I am piggy-backing on. Certain sorts of scarves, tied in certain sorts of ways are much more emphatic- they generally cover all of one's hair. However, I realize that I'm now privileging a certain vision of what it means to cover one's head/hair as a married woman over others (although I realize that that is unavoidable), and it is not necessarily the vision that I necessarily hold by- although admittedly, I don't know what I hold by in that regard, not having yet needed to make that decision for myself.
I suppose that my dissatisfaction with this situation is that I'm willing to present a certain degree of confusion and ambiguity to the world, but not to "poach" on territory that is perhaps somewhat more confusing and less ambiguous. However, I'm unsure of how clear that difference is. It's just how my own social cues are combining with those of a different social situation- and I'm finding the areas of overlap and differentiation sort of confusing to work out.