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This was a very intense weekend. H and I were with my parents for shabbat, in order to be there Saturday night, for my grandmother's wedding. Shabbat was fairly quiet- we continue to make inroads into making it a comfortable and worthwhile experience for both us and my folks, although it's still a work-in-progress... (Next time: remember the shabbos clock.)
The wedding itself was an interesting event. Very special and lovely- one doesn't get to go to many weddings of 80+ year old people. It's a very different experience. It was also the smallest wedding that I've been to: about 20 guests, and clearly with a very different dynamic than the wedding of young people, or of any first marriage, I think. The rabbi who did the wedding, the rabbi of the shul my (what do I call him now- my step-grandfather?) has been going to for many, many years, had a very different style from what I prefer, or what seems to speak to my contemporaries, but it was clearly very affective for them. It gave me a little more of a palpable sense of the ways that Judaism has changed over the last decades (for all that this gentleman is about my parents' age, not my grandparents' age.) I was privileged to say the sheva brachot under the chuppah. Afterward, we went out for dinner- at a place that was kind enough to cook some fish double-wrapped in foil for H and me, so that we could participate in the festive meal without compromising our religious standards. The party was a little smaller than anticipated, as my uncle and his wife and daughter weren't able to be there, and Eli's son and his wife and their kids did not come. Still, it was a very cheery event, and I really found spending time with my grandparents quite special. (although H had a rather nasty either very short cold or very random allergy attack.)
It also came right on the heels of hearing that my aunt's mother passed away. Jinny was a lovely lady, a very special person. One's aunt-by-marriage's mother is not someone you tend to know well, but we saw Jinny and her husband, Pierce, fairly often when I was a kid, and she in particular was always an especially loving person. H and I were very grateful that she was able to make it to our wedding- she was diagnosed with cancer shortly after my sister's wedding. She wasn't someone I saw often, it's hard to say that my life will be dramatically altered in its day-to-day experience- but the world is poorer for her loss. We all knew that the end was near, but I'd been hoping to be able to go see her a last time, today. Clearly that didn't happen.
She asked for them not to have a memorial service for her. I don't know what the decision will be, but the idea of having no service seems a very empty ending...
On the train back to the city, today, I spent a bunch of time talking to H about my grandfather. I suppose it's reasonable that my grandmother's remarriage would bring him to my mind, especially coupled with Jinny's death. I find myself really considering his death from a different light now, from the perspective of an adult, rather than a 9 year old, to whom 63 was Old. It's a little unsettling, to be upset now over a death that happened 18 years ago, but it really hit me, today, in a different way than it has before.
The wedding itself was an interesting event. Very special and lovely- one doesn't get to go to many weddings of 80+ year old people. It's a very different experience. It was also the smallest wedding that I've been to: about 20 guests, and clearly with a very different dynamic than the wedding of young people, or of any first marriage, I think. The rabbi who did the wedding, the rabbi of the shul my (what do I call him now- my step-grandfather?) has been going to for many, many years, had a very different style from what I prefer, or what seems to speak to my contemporaries, but it was clearly very affective for them. It gave me a little more of a palpable sense of the ways that Judaism has changed over the last decades (for all that this gentleman is about my parents' age, not my grandparents' age.) I was privileged to say the sheva brachot under the chuppah. Afterward, we went out for dinner- at a place that was kind enough to cook some fish double-wrapped in foil for H and me, so that we could participate in the festive meal without compromising our religious standards. The party was a little smaller than anticipated, as my uncle and his wife and daughter weren't able to be there, and Eli's son and his wife and their kids did not come. Still, it was a very cheery event, and I really found spending time with my grandparents quite special. (although H had a rather nasty either very short cold or very random allergy attack.)
It also came right on the heels of hearing that my aunt's mother passed away. Jinny was a lovely lady, a very special person. One's aunt-by-marriage's mother is not someone you tend to know well, but we saw Jinny and her husband, Pierce, fairly often when I was a kid, and she in particular was always an especially loving person. H and I were very grateful that she was able to make it to our wedding- she was diagnosed with cancer shortly after my sister's wedding. She wasn't someone I saw often, it's hard to say that my life will be dramatically altered in its day-to-day experience- but the world is poorer for her loss. We all knew that the end was near, but I'd been hoping to be able to go see her a last time, today. Clearly that didn't happen.
She asked for them not to have a memorial service for her. I don't know what the decision will be, but the idea of having no service seems a very empty ending...
On the train back to the city, today, I spent a bunch of time talking to H about my grandfather. I suppose it's reasonable that my grandmother's remarriage would bring him to my mind, especially coupled with Jinny's death. I find myself really considering his death from a different light now, from the perspective of an adult, rather than a 9 year old, to whom 63 was Old. It's a little unsettling, to be upset now over a death that happened 18 years ago, but it really hit me, today, in a different way than it has before.