Thoughts on Head Covering (Yes, Again)

[debka_notion]

Before I get down to babble- Mazel Tov to Steve and Steve on their engagement! If they let me know that it's ok to publicize that fact in this sort of general medium, or if other folks on LJ start doing so first, I'll fill in names.

So, I've been doing another of my more militantly (for lack of a better word- suggestions for better words are being accepted) gender-egalitarian phases as far as my religious life goes, and have been experimenting with regular/most-of-the-time headcovering. I've found that I feel very oddly about wearing kippot- I'll wear one during davening, and all day on Shabbat or holidays, or in my room- but in public during the week, even on campus where people would probably adjust fairly quickly since they know me already, I don't seem to be up for doing that. I'm not sure why- clearly, I don't feel like it's men's clothing, since I wear one often enough- it's So much easier to deal with with tfillin than scarves/headbands... I guess I just don't want to deal with the looks. Of course, I wore a scarf the day I volunteered at the JOFA conference- bad move, someone told me I was married (in the context of apologizing for talking about being resentful of Kol Isha related issues in shul- not sure what that had to do with anything). Talk about making dress-code mistakes. I mean, related things have happened before ("You know you don't have to cover your hair until you're married." "Yes, I'm egalitarian and didn't want to wear a kippah at an Orthodox service, that's all. If I was covering my hair, I'd do it all the time, and more thoroughly than this (about 5 inches of head/hair covered tops) anyways." [THinking 'Unlike you, who's telling me I don't Need to do something until later when you use the verb need for something you don't do outside of shul.)

That paragraph was getting too long and wandering. So- back on topic... It's funny how much more aware of assorted brakhot with the headcovering. Sort of a "well, I don't have to go searching for something to put on my head now, so I guess I should at least start thinking about saying these things" sort of thing. I mean, that was one of the motivations behind the experiement (not sure if it's permanent or not yet). It's just a very different mind-set about what I do with my hair- headbands and clips tend to be a bit redundant. What I need is a really big clip that isn't one of those giant bows. Although the headbands are pretty non-obvious, I guess.

My other thought is- why am I up for maybe covering my head, which is minhag (custom), when I'm still sort of weirded out by the idea of me wearing tallit katan (still possibly minhag, but a way of fulfilling a piece of halakha). Partially I just don't know how wearing one with women's clothing would work (should talk to Amanda), but... Also because it still just seems outside the range of what women do. Kippot don't- I know lots of women who wear kippot in prayer situations. I always have. Tallit katan- seems entirely natural on men, it has from shortly after the first time I saw it. (Rather as tfillin, regardless of the gender of the wearer, just look Right. It was one of the startling things that happened the first time I went to an Egal morning minyan freshman year- it all just looked Right. But I'm sure I'm repeating myself.) But I just don't have a reference sphere for tallit katan on women. zodiacmg has offered to let me try his, but I'm not sure that would give me a fair reading, since I tend to be very Aware of the fact that I'm wearing borrowed clothing if the clothing is anyone but maybe, maybe my mother's. And if I bought my own, I'd probably feel sort of obligated to wear it. Plus- I know zilch about how to know which sort one chooses, and I know there are sorts, and all that eep-inducing stuff. I want context, darn it.

Comments

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

This is Exactly the sort of thing I want to hear about- this Is context.

Most of the headcovering stuff I'd figured out. The whole feminist before Jewish statement is why I hadn't started to cover my head in some way before now. But I realized I was doing a lot of "I feel like I should be doing this, but it's too awkward, so I'll just have to wait until I'm married", and I didn't really like that train of thought. That and I lost my usual kippah, and started wearing scarves some, so I figured I might as well do it some more. I've getting better and finagling scarves and tfillin.

Sadly I don't pull off those sorts of comments well at all. It isn't that I'm afraid guys won't know I'm unmarried, it's just that I have this odd semi-paranoid, semi-overly-honest, or something need not to send false impressions. Maybe the kippah will be my way of communicating that I'm Not Orthodox to next years frosh, since I no longer feel entirely comfortable wearing sleeveless or particularly obviously low-necked shirts much of the time, especially on campus.

Yeah- or I could just finally get around to learning to tie tzitzit (something I've been meaning/needing to do anyways) and just make my own (probably would be smart if I got access to and learned to use a sewing machine before then, I suppose). So- fitting them under women's clothing isn't so bad, minus adjustments somewhere?

I know Israel Bookshop will sell to me, although I usually end up in there with a guy, just by coincidence- and they always presume he's buying, even when I ask, and I handle the money....

[nuqotw.livejournal.com]

Other people's assumptions about you aren't really your responsibility. I don't see any reason to communicate your denominational stance via attire to anyone, but perhaps that is an outgrowth of the fact that I avoid denominational identification as much as possible.

Tzitzit take a bit of practice, but it's not hard. I'm a little paranoid about them becoming visible, since they are a very private piece of clothing. It's the same reason I don' want my bra to show.

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

I tend to regard putting forth an accurate self-presentation as my responsibility. If I do a reasonable job, then I don't feel bad when people still get it wrong. But making things clear spares me some of the stupid questions (even if it substitutes others, but somehow most things are better than "What seminary were you at last year?" at the beginning of freshman year beacause I was wearing a high necked t-shirt and a long skirt), and just makes me feel a bit less weird about interacting with the world.

Yeah- I'm a little concerned about getting tzitziyot to fit under my clothing in a way they wouldn't show, but I think it's likely to be easier now than it would have been in the past.

[shirei-shibolim.livejournal.com]

There are some Sefaradi communities in which visible tzitziot are considered a sign of religious haughtiness, and the standard practice is to sow into the garment a pocket into which the strings may be tucked. Might be worth looking into.

[nuqotw.livejournal.com]

I think there was a time when the same was true in Ashkenazic communities. It was "falshe frumkeit". However, as the American halakhic process is increasingly influenced by two customs, namely (1) Has v'shalom, it's still mutar? We'll fix that! and (2) Look how frum I am! I think tzitziot out are making a comeback.

The problem with women's clothes and arba kanfot is not actually with the tzitziot themselves, but rather with the accompanying piece of fabric.

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

One could just pretend it's an undershirt/camisole of some sort, I suppose? Hey, maybe that's what I should do once I learn to use a sewing machine- design tallitot k'tanot for women, so they fit as camisole-like and as invisibly as possible... Might make me enough for groceries once or twice a year.

[shirei-shibolim.livejournal.com]

However, as the American halakhic process is increasingly influenced by two customs, namely (1) Has v'shalom, it's still mutar? We'll fix that! and (2) Look how frum I am! I think tzitziot out are making a comeback.

I think it's rather more complicated than that.

Point 1: The issue is not so much a matter of trying to ban everything — lest somebody enjoy life — as an unfortunate tendency to view Haredim as the ones who practice the "real" Judaism to which we all aspire. If you want, you can attribute it to the gaping hole in our tradition that was left by the Sho'ah, which left people with no source for halakhah lema`aseh but the Shulhan `Arukh and its various commentaries.

(The Sh"A, like every other legal code, reflects the traditions of a certain time and place. Joel Roth has a very convincing apologetic of Conservative Judaism in which he argues that before Karo's time, guarded progressiveness was the way of halakhah, which is why there are so many practices mentioned in the Talmud that no longer exist in our day. The fact is that this continued even after the major codes were written, and only a very few stayed effectively frozen in their practice. Thing is, now we've decided that they're the keepers of the flame.)

Point 2: I think you're partly right. We're definitely in the midst of a pissing contest when it comes to humrot, but we're also living in the middle of what you could call a revival of sub-nationalism in the United States. Latinos, Blacks, Jews — pretty much everyone but Arabs — have a lot more freedom to express cultural differences without being declared beyond the borders of mainstream society. The American Jew who once dropped mitzvot in order to seem more "American" is now adopting them as a way to celebrate being Jewish, which includes advertising Judaism. My theory, at least.

Forgot to add . . .

[shirei-shibolim.livejournal.com]

The problem with women's clothes and arba kanfot is not actually with the tzitziot themselves, but rather with the accompanying piece of fabric.

A lot of major poskim — R' Chayyim David Halevi, z"l, is the one in front of me — agree that beged ish/ah is a prohibition against conduct that might cause one to be confused for a member of the opposite sex. As such, I don't see how a deliberately concealed undergarment could fall into that category.

Re: Forgot to add . . .

[nuqotw.livejournal.com]

Sorry, once again I failed to be adequately clear. By "the problem" here I meant the cosmetic problem of concealing arba kanfot, not any halakhic issues.

[nuqotw.livejournal.com]

One other thing -- covering my head and tallit katan are two very different things to me. Covering my head is a sign of respect to God; tallit katan is a much more selfish decision, very much in the spirit of uritem oto uzkhartem et kol mitzvotai -- while the tzitzit are tucked in, knowing that I have them on forces me to be machmir with myself, to live up to a very serious standard of mitzvah observance.

Learning to tie tzitzit

[thevortex.livejournal.com]

I recall you mentioning that an offer was made to you in that regard. I would imagine that it still exists, no?

Huzzah!

The Vortex