This feels like the opposite of what halakha generally teaches: that we have to have self-control and we need to make the right choices.

Yes, spot on. Nicely put.

I think it's one of those things which is very heavily affected by social contexts, like negia, so there's probably a basis for removing some of the stringencies based on societal expectations of self-control - in which case it's easier to stomach. But I haven't learned the sources - better persuade W to free up some time :)