Pesakh Begins

[debka_notion]

The beginning of Pesakh is often a funny sort of process for me- the cleaning always gets done, but never on the schedule that I originally set out, and often I fail to really fully re-straighten things out after the cleaning gets done. This year was no exception, so we have a properly kashered kitchen and everything necessary got cleaned, but it doesn't Look cleaner, because things are still a little haphazard. I find it somehow strange that my space feels cleaner when I straighten than when I really clean and don't finish straightening, but making my bed makes my room feel more prepared for yontif than going through my closet and shelves and refolding everything properly does. I suppose it's a matter of what I can see rather than what I just know, although knowing that I have cleaned well also has a certain persuasive power.

Seder itself was large (22 people), but not as overwhelming as I was afraid that a seder of that size might be. During the meal proper, things did get loud enough that wotyfree and I retreated to the kitchen in order to be able to hear each other, but otherwise, we managed to all stay together as a group, which was quite impressive, and made a big difference- I was afraid that things would splinter, in the manner of regular meals, into smaller conversations, and for a seder, that would be totally unwieldy.

A high point for me was that a friend brought the pesukim that are drashed out in the haggadah on note cards, one phrase per card, and handed them out to people, and we went around with one verse and got spontaneous midrash/explanation/association for each phrase. It took a while, but took the verses in new directions and felt like a really beautiful window into different people's experiences of the text and their lives. It's a tactic that I'd love to try again, maybe as a way of doing some spiritual exploration in a small group. It's one of those activities that's somewhere on the boundaries of Torah study, spiritual work, bonding and crunchy-granola that I want to play with, but feel a little uncomfortable initiating, because it's a little outside of my usual self-presentation. It's something I would have enjoyed doing with my friends from CPE this summer, and something that would be totally reasonable to do in that context. I want to bring that attitude into the rest of my life, but it's hard to do without feeling like I'm suddenly presenting a different face to the world, and worrying that my friends might not like it as much. I want to show that without implying that it changes the rest of my attitudes and values- shouldn't be so hard, and yet it feels like it is.

Unrelatedly, I read an interesting story online tonight that feels worth sharing. So I will- http://www.strangehorizons.com/2010/20100329/somadeva-f.shtml

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Guess its been a while since I've commented on LJ, but to have to watch/listen to commercials to do so is NOT an inducement. In any case, the world and good friends in particular need to give you space to grow and experiment without judgement. Those who won't/can't/don't want you to are not true friends and therefore should not inhibit you. It will be for you to cast them off (harsh, but doesn't have to be done harshly)and continue on your path. Our time on this plane is too short to be stopped from reaching our maximum potential. Often though, we may blame others for inhibiting us when in reality is our anxiety/fear of change or differentness which really stops us. If we really are true to our inner spirit, we go forward and dam the torpedoes.

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

I just ignore the advertising, but I do realize it's annoying. LJ just still provides a service that I find useful, so...

Thank you for the distinction- I don't know how much of that fear of change is really about how others think about me, and how much about how I think about myself. It's something I'm trying to think about now, and I appreciate being put on that track.