Children of Eden

So this evening I avoided my work and went to see Children of Eden, since I know about 6 people in it, between cast, crew, and pit orchestra. So I had to go see it. Somehow, although the script wasn't so great, and the props were pretty primitive, and there were some really nasty wrong notes, it turned out quite well in its own way. It hit that miraculous effect where the mixture of anxiety, adrenaline, excitement, and a performance that hangs together for the most part actually becomes something worthwhile watching, perhaps better for that level of "it isn't quite ready, but we're doing it anyways". It isn't something you can replicate. I was in one concert that worked that way, and it was one of the most worthwhile performances of my life, I think. But in any case, being me, I cried through most of the play. It dealt all too much with choices, and growing up, and the sorts of things that tend to distress me: choices frighten me, especially important ones, and growing up is something I'm all too aware of at times, especially in comparison to the way a few folks I know here just aren't/haven't grown up. Oddly enough, I occasionally found myself crying more for the parents with their children leaving than for the children... The children just seemed so determined much of the time, and the parents, or G-d just seemed so lonely. It reminded me a lot of Mom's bat mitzvah speech- about how G-d in that parasha (about the spies) acted like a parent with their first child. It gives a different meaning to the thought of chosenness. It was also interesting, and very effective I think, that they cast G-d as a woman. Somehow it worked very well. Perhaps it was that she was a rather heavy, and that and the costume really did make her seem maternal, which at this age seems easier to do with girls than with guys. (So why do I use girls and guys, and not either girls and boys or gals and guys? Random weird lagnuage usage.) At least I was sitting between MJ and AM, and AM also cried through much of it. MJ just said she envied the crying- that she would if she "weren't so tough". I'm not sure whether I should envy her or pity her.

I still want to know why people who don't cry want to, and people who do want not to. I've noticed this again and again, with friends from all sorts of situations. However, I've also noticed that I don't cry when major things happen- I just go sort of quiet. I only cry at the littler things. There are just lots of them.

Today feels like 3 seperate days: classes and lunch were one, then I napped, then homework and dinner, and then the play, talking to Nathan (much belatedly, which I felt bad about, and he joked that his Saudi Arabian housemate could find him 2 Saudi girlfriends if I kept mistreating him), and doing some more homework. Time is so deceptive.

So (for real secrecy, the usual naming scheme returns) steve1 has decided she's interested in steve2, which truly worries me. Steve2 really, really doesn't need this right now. Why do people tend to go for the people least ready for such things, and where there's the most potential for misunderstanding and hurt whenever they're not actually ready for a relationship? (Only my own theory, but...) The world's an awfully messy place sometimes

Children of Eden

So this evening I avoided my work and went to see Children of Eden, since I know about 6 people in it, between cast, crew, and pit orchestra. So I had to go see it. Somehow, although the script wasn't so great, and the props were pretty primitive, and there were some really nasty wrong notes, it turned out quite well in its own way. It hit that miraculous effect where the mixture of anxiety, adrenaline, excitement, and a performance that hangs together for the most part actually becomes something worthwhile watching, perhaps better for that level of "it isn't quite ready, but we're doing it anyways". It isn't something you can replicate. I was in one concert that worked that way, and it was one of the most worthwhile performances of my life, I think. But in any case, being me, I cried through most of the play. It dealt all too much with choices, and growing up, and the sorts of things that tend to distress me: choices frighten me, especially important ones, and growing up is something I'm all too aware of at times, especially in comparison to the way a few folks I know here just aren't/haven't grown up. Oddly enough, I occasionally found myself crying more for the parents with their children leaving than for the children... The children just seemed so determined much of the time, and the parents, or G-d just seemed so lonely. It reminded me a lot of Mom's bat mitzvah speech- about how G-d in that parasha (about the spies) acted like a parent with their first child. It gives a different meaning to the thought of chosenness. It was also interesting, and very effective I think, that they cast G-d as a woman. Somehow it worked very well. Perhaps it was that she was a rather heavy, and that and the costume really did make her seem maternal, which at this age seems easier to do with girls than with guys. (So why do I use girls and guys, and not either girls and boys or gals and guys? Random weird lagnuage usage.) At least I was sitting between MJ and AM, and AM also cried through much of it. MJ just said she envied the crying- that she would if she "weren't so tough". I'm not sure whether I should envy her or pity her.

I still want to know why people who don't cry want to, and people who do want not to. I've noticed this again and again, with friends from all sorts of situations. However, I've also noticed that I don't cry when major things happen- I just go sort of quiet. I only cry at the littler things. There are just lots of them.

Today feels like 3 seperate days: classes and lunch were one, then I napped, then homework and dinner, and then the play, talking to Nathan (much belatedly, which I felt bad about, and he joked that his Saudi Arabian housemate could find him 2 Saudi girlfriends if I kept mistreating him), and doing some more homework. Time is so deceptive.

So (for real secrecy, the usual naming scheme returns) steve1 has decided she's interested in steve2, which truly worries me. Steve2 really, really doesn't need this right now. Why do people tend to go for the people least ready for such things, and where there's the most potential for misunderstanding and hurt whenever they're not actually ready for a relationship? (Only my own theory, but...) The world's an awfully messy place sometimes

Gee, I get worked up easily

SO Nathan left me a message to call him this afternoon. I called, he said he'd failed his midterm, it seems through mostly careless errors that affected a lot. So he was asking me for help- I told him I couldn't do much for him, and telling him to go to office hours and tutoring was his mother's job, not mine. I got kind of fed up with him, which really is Not what he needed. But I desperately don't wnat to get into that sort of a roll with him: it could only lead to bad things. But I shouldn't have been snippish, which I was. SOmehow it just hit all the wrong buttons. Usually I'm a good listener, sympathetic- so what was different? I guess also that thought I had even less time than I do, etc. And since it's the afternoon- it cost me to call, just like it would cost him to call: he could have called me. That frustrates me: that he still just asked me to call. But really- I need to calm down, and not think about it. It just scares me when he gets childish like that- it makes me afraid that Mom's right, that he's really kind of immature for his age. Just an intensification of doubt thing. Once again, I'm not so good at letting go of something once it hits me. I just need to relax.
So I'm off to sweep at least part of my floor, which despeately needs it

Gee, I get worked up easily

SO Nathan left me a message to call him this afternoon. I called, he said he'd failed his midterm, it seems through mostly careless errors that affected a lot. So he was asking me for help- I told him I couldn't do much for him, and telling him to go to office hours and tutoring was his mother's job, not mine. I got kind of fed up with him, which really is Not what he needed. But I desperately don't wnat to get into that sort of a roll with him: it could only lead to bad things. But I shouldn't have been snippish, which I was. SOmehow it just hit all the wrong buttons. Usually I'm a good listener, sympathetic- so what was different? I guess also that thought I had even less time than I do, etc. And since it's the afternoon- it cost me to call, just like it would cost him to call: he could have called me. That frustrates me: that he still just asked me to call. But really- I need to calm down, and not think about it. It just scares me when he gets childish like that- it makes me afraid that Mom's right, that he's really kind of immature for his age. Just an intensification of doubt thing. Once again, I'm not so good at letting go of something once it hits me. I just need to relax.
So I'm off to sweep at least part of my floor, which despeately needs it