An eventful weekend

In brief, I suppose for now, as I am quite tired. Shabbat was eventful in its own way: TH assures me that I did a good job gabbaying, and I believe her, although I am tempted to hit myself over the head for my multiplicity of small mistakes. But I'm pretty aware that they're all fixable with some practice, and shouldn't be a real big deal: it makes me rather more sure that I can manage the job: a nice thing to realize. It'll take a while before it feels really comfortable, but I'm thinking much more that I can do it.

After havdalah and clean up, I got back, got a call from Ari and after assorted issues of phone number loss on my part, found out that he was going to the oldies dance event in Brookline, and Alexis agreed to meet me at the corner of beacon St and Mass Ave, and we'd go together by T. So I scrambled to get ready in a grand total of 10 minutes, tried to return TH's glasses and keys which she'd left in the chapel, but ended up giving them to one of her suite-mates instead, and talked to Nathan briefly for a while all at the same time. But it got too loud on the bus, and so guiltily, knowing that this was not real good girlfriendly behavior, I told him I'd call back once most of the folks got off at Harvard Sq. I did so, but he wasn't in a talky mood, and it was just an awkward conversation. Dancing, however, was a lot of fun. I got back, talked with AA, who was visiting for a while, and slept.

In the morning, I woke to an email from Nathan being quite, quite upset with me, and saying "call me when you read this". We fought on the phone for nearly an hour and a half in particularly frustrating ways. Eventually we gave up for the while, and the parents showed up here. I talked to them about it, and they as usual provided excellent if difficult advice ("follow your heart"). It was a really good visit- I was incredibly glad ot see them. And we went out for lunch, and brought LF, my roommate, along. For once she was nicely involved in conversation: it worked very well. So the parents left, I got another email from Nathan, responded to it, and he got back and IMed me. I was very blunt about the way his refusal to accept my apology after nearly doing so, again and again really hurt me, and scared me about wanting to date someone who'd do those sorts of things. It was pretty emotionally charged and very blunt. And it was much, much easier ot do on IM or email than by phone: I much prefer being able to see what is being said. It makes things that much easier somehow: I'm more used to talking about myself in writing than out loud. That somehow got across to him, and we did make up. He'd still like me to come visit him at school before the end of the semester, but has realized that I told him at the beginning that I didn't really think that was possible, and he's ackowledged this. So we're back in a pretty decent place. We'll see where things go from here. But that's one actual fight: I'm feeling both drained and oddly proud that I made it through that. Anger frightens me intensely: I don't deal with it well at all. More details soon, when I can actually think more

An eventful weekend

In brief, I suppose for now, as I am quite tired. Shabbat was eventful in its own way: TH assures me that I did a good job gabbaying, and I believe her, although I am tempted to hit myself over the head for my multiplicity of small mistakes. But I'm pretty aware that they're all fixable with some practice, and shouldn't be a real big deal: it makes me rather more sure that I can manage the job: a nice thing to realize. It'll take a while before it feels really comfortable, but I'm thinking much more that I can do it.

After havdalah and clean up, I got back, got a call from Ari and after assorted issues of phone number loss on my part, found out that he was going to the oldies dance event in Brookline, and Alexis agreed to meet me at the corner of beacon St and Mass Ave, and we'd go together by T. So I scrambled to get ready in a grand total of 10 minutes, tried to return TH's glasses and keys which she'd left in the chapel, but ended up giving them to one of her suite-mates instead, and talked to Nathan briefly for a while all at the same time. But it got too loud on the bus, and so guiltily, knowing that this was not real good girlfriendly behavior, I told him I'd call back once most of the folks got off at Harvard Sq. I did so, but he wasn't in a talky mood, and it was just an awkward conversation. Dancing, however, was a lot of fun. I got back, talked with AA, who was visiting for a while, and slept.

In the morning, I woke to an email from Nathan being quite, quite upset with me, and saying "call me when you read this". We fought on the phone for nearly an hour and a half in particularly frustrating ways. Eventually we gave up for the while, and the parents showed up here. I talked to them about it, and they as usual provided excellent if difficult advice ("follow your heart"). It was a really good visit- I was incredibly glad ot see them. And we went out for lunch, and brought LF, my roommate, along. For once she was nicely involved in conversation: it worked very well. So the parents left, I got another email from Nathan, responded to it, and he got back and IMed me. I was very blunt about the way his refusal to accept my apology after nearly doing so, again and again really hurt me, and scared me about wanting to date someone who'd do those sorts of things. It was pretty emotionally charged and very blunt. And it was much, much easier ot do on IM or email than by phone: I much prefer being able to see what is being said. It makes things that much easier somehow: I'm more used to talking about myself in writing than out loud. That somehow got across to him, and we did make up. He'd still like me to come visit him at school before the end of the semester, but has realized that I told him at the beginning that I didn't really think that was possible, and he's ackowledged this. So we're back in a pretty decent place. We'll see where things go from here. But that's one actual fight: I'm feeling both drained and oddly proud that I made it through that. Anger frightens me intensely: I don't deal with it well at all. More details soon, when I can actually think more