Something potentially thoughtful

I've been thinking about my reactions to tension lately. Between steve, who is very nice but sometimes irritating and steve who provokes rather interesting responses from me, I've had plenty of chances to notice it. The former steve and I apparently have different approaches to conversation: so I occasionally have to restrain my desire to just cut steve off. Steve's quite nice, sometimes interesting, and friends with my friends (or potential friends- I'm still quite unsure about said categories)- but there's something in the chemistry that makes me regard steve as rather too self-centered. And I've found that self-centered-ness is one of the things that often really irks me about people. Not that I don't do it myself- I do, all too often. But I try not to let it show. It's what Dad referrs to as the Kosowsky/Cohen world-view: other people's needs come first. Although once people switch into talking-about-self mode, I tend ot do so as well. But it takes a very definite tone of conversation, thank goodness. Funny- that something that I view as one of my strengths can also be something that causes me that much difficulty, and occasionally real pain, with friends where the conversational balance tips too much.

Speaking of categories, Efi was pointing out to me that I have a bit too much of a need to categorize people and behavior. It's true- I feel a definite need to know how much I trust any particular person, which is one of the things currently making life difficult. But- I need to do the same with my behavior with any person: the obvious example is in relationships: i.e. I'll go as far as behavior x, but no farther, which sometimes leads to issues of things I didn't think of in formulating ideas of what's inside and outside the boundaries. Efi pointed out that this is hard on the other people whom my boundary-making involves. I never thought of that- I figured it was how everyone dealt with that. But I guess it isn't. I'm not sure how to adapt to that. Perhaps a more flexible system would be healthier/easier, but I don't know what that would entail

Something potentially thoughtful

I've been thinking about my reactions to tension lately. Between steve, who is very nice but sometimes irritating and steve who provokes rather interesting responses from me, I've had plenty of chances to notice it. The former steve and I apparently have different approaches to conversation: so I occasionally have to restrain my desire to just cut steve off. Steve's quite nice, sometimes interesting, and friends with my friends (or potential friends- I'm still quite unsure about said categories)- but there's something in the chemistry that makes me regard steve as rather too self-centered. And I've found that self-centered-ness is one of the things that often really irks me about people. Not that I don't do it myself- I do, all too often. But I try not to let it show. It's what Dad referrs to as the Kosowsky/Cohen world-view: other people's needs come first. Although once people switch into talking-about-self mode, I tend ot do so as well. But it takes a very definite tone of conversation, thank goodness. Funny- that something that I view as one of my strengths can also be something that causes me that much difficulty, and occasionally real pain, with friends where the conversational balance tips too much.

Speaking of categories, Efi was pointing out to me that I have a bit too much of a need to categorize people and behavior. It's true- I feel a definite need to know how much I trust any particular person, which is one of the things currently making life difficult. But- I need to do the same with my behavior with any person: the obvious example is in relationships: i.e. I'll go as far as behavior x, but no farther, which sometimes leads to issues of things I didn't think of in formulating ideas of what's inside and outside the boundaries. Efi pointed out that this is hard on the other people whom my boundary-making involves. I never thought of that- I figured it was how everyone dealt with that. But I guess it isn't. I'm not sure how to adapt to that. Perhaps a more flexible system would be healthier/easier, but I don't know what that would entail