Hopefully more coherent

Today seems to have been typified by odd timing. At lunch I was very much not taken with the table talk and the general atmosphere. I was about to set out to go curl up in my next classroom (there's no class there that hour) and write for a while, when some other folks joined me at the table where I'd left my stuff.

After that next class, my fellow-classmate and I (because, there being just the two of us there today, I could hardly just leave as he talked to the Professor, and because Dr. Wright is generally quite interesting), I stuck around for about half an hour after class listenign to Dr. Wright explain the differences between a movie based on the New Testament and one that was trying to produce a historical product, since the New Testament is obviously an idealogical document. It unfortuantely took my classmate a while to get this idea- but he was very involved in wrestling with the ideas, so I can hardly complain. [Off topicly, where do people say history or historical without pronouncing the h? I always get very confused when books have "an historical..." It doesn't seem right. But if that isn't proper pronunciation anywhere though, why would they write it?]

This evening, rehearsal went well- even finished early. I was also not hte only one not in the scenes being rehearsed that showed up, belu showed up for the beginning of rehearsal as well, and subbed for Pilot, who couldn't make it, letting KoP-Dave direct some, and me learn some Arabic vocab (which I still have more of, oh well). Afterwards Dave and I talked for a bit, and then I went off library-wards to get info for this paper of mine, which is done enough for me to hand in now, although it's far from my best work. My text just doesn't fit the assignment well, which Professor Wright knows, at least. This is what I get for plannign to analyze the ritual in a vision.

I spoke briefly with Nathan today, who wanted to know what had gone on with our rather uncomfortable and slightly unpleasant encounters during dancing on Monday. We decided not to talk too much for a while, in his description, until he has a new girlfriend. Works for me. The conversation made me somewhat nervous, but I'm glad to have it done and out there- I was pretty blunt, I think, that he'd been being difficult of late, and I hadn't been demanding more contact or in fact, any contact from him.

Lately I've been particularly noticing the power of what is and isn't said, inside the realm of truth. I guess that's back to that altering of perceived reality (and from there, actual reality) that I talked about before. But I guess err, lies of omission are seeming like such a powerful form of non-communication. If something happens that is significant, and I choose not to tell steve 1 and do tell steve 2, than the two steves will have somewhat different ideas of who I am. And that is both lying and sometimes tailoring my identity to what people want to think of me, or what they'd approve of. Now, on the other hand, there are some things that most people just aren't supposed to know. But on the other hand, telling things only to people who'd approve, or at least accept them without distaste is going to set up a situation where few if any people would really know who I actually am, in full detail, rather than just what I think they want to know. I know I'm occasionally guilty of that offense: I sometimes pick what I tell to people not just on whether they need to know, or would be helpful to discuss something with, but also on how they'd judge me on the basis of the information. I mean, that doesn't produce very real friendships if it's done too often. On the other hand, who's going to fault me if I tell the people who aren't going to be unpleasant about something when I just want to talk about it?

Hopefully more coherent

Today seems to have been typified by odd timing. At lunch I was very much not taken with the table talk and the general atmosphere. I was about to set out to go curl up in my next classroom (there's no class there that hour) and write for a while, when some other folks joined me at the table where I'd left my stuff.

After that next class, my fellow-classmate and I (because, there being just the two of us there today, I could hardly just leave as he talked to the Professor, and because Dr. Wright is generally quite interesting), I stuck around for about half an hour after class listenign to Dr. Wright explain the differences between a movie based on the New Testament and one that was trying to produce a historical product, since the New Testament is obviously an idealogical document. It unfortuantely took my classmate a while to get this idea- but he was very involved in wrestling with the ideas, so I can hardly complain. [Off topicly, where do people say history or historical without pronouncing the h? I always get very confused when books have "an historical..." It doesn't seem right. But if that isn't proper pronunciation anywhere though, why would they write it?]

This evening, rehearsal went well- even finished early. I was also not hte only one not in the scenes being rehearsed that showed up, belu showed up for the beginning of rehearsal as well, and subbed for Pilot, who couldn't make it, letting KoP-Dave direct some, and me learn some Arabic vocab (which I still have more of, oh well). Afterwards Dave and I talked for a bit, and then I went off library-wards to get info for this paper of mine, which is done enough for me to hand in now, although it's far from my best work. My text just doesn't fit the assignment well, which Professor Wright knows, at least. This is what I get for plannign to analyze the ritual in a vision.

I spoke briefly with Nathan today, who wanted to know what had gone on with our rather uncomfortable and slightly unpleasant encounters during dancing on Monday. We decided not to talk too much for a while, in his description, until he has a new girlfriend. Works for me. The conversation made me somewhat nervous, but I'm glad to have it done and out there- I was pretty blunt, I think, that he'd been being difficult of late, and I hadn't been demanding more contact or in fact, any contact from him.

Lately I've been particularly noticing the power of what is and isn't said, inside the realm of truth. I guess that's back to that altering of perceived reality (and from there, actual reality) that I talked about before. But I guess err, lies of omission are seeming like such a powerful form of non-communication. If something happens that is significant, and I choose not to tell steve 1 and do tell steve 2, than the two steves will have somewhat different ideas of who I am. And that is both lying and sometimes tailoring my identity to what people want to think of me, or what they'd approve of. Now, on the other hand, there are some things that most people just aren't supposed to know. But on the other hand, telling things only to people who'd approve, or at least accept them without distaste is going to set up a situation where few if any people would really know who I actually am, in full detail, rather than just what I think they want to know. I know I'm occasionally guilty of that offense: I sometimes pick what I tell to people not just on whether they need to know, or would be helpful to discuss something with, but also on how they'd judge me on the basis of the information. I mean, that doesn't produce very real friendships if it's done too often. On the other hand, who's going to fault me if I tell the people who aren't going to be unpleasant about something when I just want to talk about it?