The Play

It's done. Over. Both performances. I'm impressed with us- it actually fell together pretty well in teh end, hard as it was to tell from backstage, especially my nice little corner of it, by the dressing room curtain (one that was more psychologically effective than that blocked much- the curtains were not exactly opaque when there was light on one side...). It was a weird day in that way- when I wasn't sort of half-dozing, I was busily trying to find what I needed to do, and do it quickly and efficiently so I could find the next thing I needed to do. I'm not terribly good at relaxing before/during a performance, unless someone is distracting me- something that Bleama and belu did rather well for me (thanks!). It was an interesting combination of conversations...

That said- I'm once again surprised at how differently I can present myself, what comes across when I do, and how both similar and different those presentations are. It isn't that I'm any different, just what I talk about. Between my two primary conversants today- my goodness: the two were rather like night and day, I could relate well to both, I think- but it was like two different modes, almost- not that I was being a different person, but- the subject matter... I think if either had been listening to the other conversation, they'd have been half-baffled and half-frightened. Or some similar mix. I do wonder how differently I actually come across by context, and how much people see who I am, regardless of what I talk about, or the exact degree of modesty I tend towards, or the like. Certainly I'm noticing that my body language changes too... That was something I noticed at Formal- how I move is also related to how I think people are most comfortable with me, and therefore, how comfortable I am with different sorts of body language. I mean, part of that is how close I stand, if I touch people or not, if I do, in what ways- but part of it is even how I walk, I think. At least, I walk differently if I'm in a dance context (although much of this is the music surrounding me) than less body-focused locations.

I also noticed how much I've slipped into a different world from high school, here. In high school, people would still have presumed I was plentifully innocent (note that I am Not saying this is a bad thing)- but the people that are now assumed to be outside my preferred social circle might well have been a significant part of my social circle. I spent a lot of time with the theater crowd, the GSA, and the activists, besides all the music geeks. I am sometimes amazed at how little of that shows here- it doesn't ahve the opportunity to, in some ways. Not that I actively miss it, usually- but there was a certain lack of expectations and presumed limits that I don't get here, much. I'm very happy with my friends here- but people here presume strongly conservative things until told otherwise, versus life at HHS. Maybe it's jsut that people I know talk about them less- but that affects the presumptions, and it creates very different dynamics. It's both good and bad... I love it, but I also really want to step out of it on occasion. I'm glad I got that chance, a bit, today.

On less analytic notes, I discovered that stage makeup for theater is a different beast from stage makeup for dance, which is much more oddly colored, I think.

The Play

It's done. Over. Both performances. I'm impressed with us- it actually fell together pretty well in teh end, hard as it was to tell from backstage, especially my nice little corner of it, by the dressing room curtain (one that was more psychologically effective than that blocked much- the curtains were not exactly opaque when there was light on one side...). It was a weird day in that way- when I wasn't sort of half-dozing, I was busily trying to find what I needed to do, and do it quickly and efficiently so I could find the next thing I needed to do. I'm not terribly good at relaxing before/during a performance, unless someone is distracting me- something that Bleama and belu did rather well for me (thanks!). It was an interesting combination of conversations...

That said- I'm once again surprised at how differently I can present myself, what comes across when I do, and how both similar and different those presentations are. It isn't that I'm any different, just what I talk about. Between my two primary conversants today- my goodness: the two were rather like night and day, I could relate well to both, I think- but it was like two different modes, almost- not that I was being a different person, but- the subject matter... I think if either had been listening to the other conversation, they'd have been half-baffled and half-frightened. Or some similar mix. I do wonder how differently I actually come across by context, and how much people see who I am, regardless of what I talk about, or the exact degree of modesty I tend towards, or the like. Certainly I'm noticing that my body language changes too... That was something I noticed at Formal- how I move is also related to how I think people are most comfortable with me, and therefore, how comfortable I am with different sorts of body language. I mean, part of that is how close I stand, if I touch people or not, if I do, in what ways- but part of it is even how I walk, I think. At least, I walk differently if I'm in a dance context (although much of this is the music surrounding me) than less body-focused locations.

I also noticed how much I've slipped into a different world from high school, here. In high school, people would still have presumed I was plentifully innocent (note that I am Not saying this is a bad thing)- but the people that are now assumed to be outside my preferred social circle might well have been a significant part of my social circle. I spent a lot of time with the theater crowd, the GSA, and the activists, besides all the music geeks. I am sometimes amazed at how little of that shows here- it doesn't ahve the opportunity to, in some ways. Not that I actively miss it, usually- but there was a certain lack of expectations and presumed limits that I don't get here, much. I'm very happy with my friends here- but people here presume strongly conservative things until told otherwise, versus life at HHS. Maybe it's jsut that people I know talk about them less- but that affects the presumptions, and it creates very different dynamics. It's both good and bad... I love it, but I also really want to step out of it on occasion. I'm glad I got that chance, a bit, today.

On less analytic notes, I discovered that stage makeup for theater is a different beast from stage makeup for dance, which is much more oddly colored, I think.