Obligation and Meaning

While I'm fussing with the whole topic of observing things because they mean something- today was one of those minor fast days that I often forget about. (OK, often being a very relative term, as I've only known of their existence these last two years.) This time I only remembered due to tovah623's reminder last night. And well- this one is another holiday observance that I don't connect well to. My brain sort of figures that there's Tisha B'Av- why do we need another 2 separate fast days for variations on the same theme? Yes, I know all the historical answers about needing mourning rituals so that the rest of life could be resumed without guilt after the exile. But I don't connect to it well. (A theme is developping here, it seems.)

On the other hand, I feel obligated to fast- I have a fairly solid belief in halakhah, in some ways for its own sake. Unless I have a particular reason to not stick to the halakhah, I try to do my best at least. There are things that I don't follow in the manner of Rosenzweig's "not yet" (aka, if you ask if I follow law x, my answer is likely to be "not yet", not "no"- it's something that's in the eventual goal, but I'm not there yet. I believe in taking my time, and being patient. Sometimes I push myself a bit too fast, and I usually figure that out.) but fasting isn't usually one of them. AFter all, I fast just fine for other fasts...

That said, I wasn't prepared for this one internally (I do better with mental preparation), and it feels pretty meaningless personally. So I compromised and had only liquids until dinner time. Not great, not ideal- but it was something. Hopefully next year I'll do better, and do some research beforehand and maybe find some meaning that I can hook into- the stuff about having the Old City, or even the modern State of Israel doesn't quite link up for me. But that said, the things that I find the most difficult at first are often the ones that end up the most powerful.
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The rest of my day...
My boss was indeed at work, so once I established that, I went in, and worked for a while. I was supposed to finally start cataloging their library- the job for which I was originally primarily hired- but the computer I was supposed to work on a. wasn't connected to the internet, and b. wasn't connected to the network, and c. we were missing the license number for the software, without which I couldn't do anything. So instead I did some other work, and ran out just after 3, but my boss went to a meeting and disappeared from there, so I got paid to daven and read while I waited for her to show up from then until 4 when I gave up and went home.

Tonight was my first of a series of 4 swing dance classes that I'm taking. It was almost all stuff I know just from doing it, or the very, very basics, but it did give me a chance to clean up one or two matters of technique, which is really what I want from the class- that and maybe some style stuff, but I'm not sure that I'll have any luck with that. And maybe it'll even give me a few things I can teach around at the Brandeis Swing dances- they're certainly just begging for new material. Something they almost started to teach was a step that I can always follow and didn't know how to teach- and I think I've got it, and they'll probably get back to it later, which should help. So, over all, I'm pretty pleased.

Obligation and Meaning

While I'm fussing with the whole topic of observing things because they mean something- today was one of those minor fast days that I often forget about. (OK, often being a very relative term, as I've only known of their existence these last two years.) This time I only remembered due to tovah623's reminder last night. And well- this one is another holiday observance that I don't connect well to. My brain sort of figures that there's Tisha B'Av- why do we need another 2 separate fast days for variations on the same theme? Yes, I know all the historical answers about needing mourning rituals so that the rest of life could be resumed without guilt after the exile. But I don't connect to it well. (A theme is developping here, it seems.)

On the other hand, I feel obligated to fast- I have a fairly solid belief in halakhah, in some ways for its own sake. Unless I have a particular reason to not stick to the halakhah, I try to do my best at least. There are things that I don't follow in the manner of Rosenzweig's "not yet" (aka, if you ask if I follow law x, my answer is likely to be "not yet", not "no"- it's something that's in the eventual goal, but I'm not there yet. I believe in taking my time, and being patient. Sometimes I push myself a bit too fast, and I usually figure that out.) but fasting isn't usually one of them. AFter all, I fast just fine for other fasts...

That said, I wasn't prepared for this one internally (I do better with mental preparation), and it feels pretty meaningless personally. So I compromised and had only liquids until dinner time. Not great, not ideal- but it was something. Hopefully next year I'll do better, and do some research beforehand and maybe find some meaning that I can hook into- the stuff about having the Old City, or even the modern State of Israel doesn't quite link up for me. But that said, the things that I find the most difficult at first are often the ones that end up the most powerful.
___________________________________________________________________
The rest of my day...
My boss was indeed at work, so once I established that, I went in, and worked for a while. I was supposed to finally start cataloging their library- the job for which I was originally primarily hired- but the computer I was supposed to work on a. wasn't connected to the internet, and b. wasn't connected to the network, and c. we were missing the license number for the software, without which I couldn't do anything. So instead I did some other work, and ran out just after 3, but my boss went to a meeting and disappeared from there, so I got paid to daven and read while I waited for her to show up from then until 4 when I gave up and went home.

Tonight was my first of a series of 4 swing dance classes that I'm taking. It was almost all stuff I know just from doing it, or the very, very basics, but it did give me a chance to clean up one or two matters of technique, which is really what I want from the class- that and maybe some style stuff, but I'm not sure that I'll have any luck with that. And maybe it'll even give me a few things I can teach around at the Brandeis Swing dances- they're certainly just begging for new material. Something they almost started to teach was a step that I can always follow and didn't know how to teach- and I think I've got it, and they'll probably get back to it later, which should help. So, over all, I'm pretty pleased.