Halloween, A Forgotten Holiday?

Forgive the pretentious title, please.

But really, I kept forgetting that today was Halloween, until I'd see a bunch of people in costume, go "Why are they all dressed up like that?" and then remember that "Oh yeah, it's Halloween". I've been growing less and less invested, or even interested in the holiday for years now- I stopped trick or treating in 8th grade when I had a performance that night- I was in the pit orchestra for the Hamden High production of "My Fair Lady". It was definitely worth it, and I had another such performance the next year, and after that it no longer seemed worthwhile or interesting. But even freshman year here, I used it as an excuse to wander around in my bathrobe for a while (and kept getting mistaken for Juliet, which is, I suppose, the peril of having a bathrobe from somewhere around the 1950s- I got it at a now-closed vintage store near home, it's green, sort of quilted, has a collar and buttons, and a flared skirt). I don't particularly remember what happened last year, but I remember being aware of it: I think I used it as an excuse to wear a slightly eccentric set of dress clothes for Shabbat. THis year- couldn't give a darn.

That would make sense if I were coming from a background where Halloween wasn't a big deal, or wasn't done anything with. But that just isn't the case. We didn't make it a huge deal, but I dressed up every year from the time I was quite little and my parents were both choosing the costumes and dressing me, and carrying me around, nearly. We have pictures from years worth of Halloweens, and I remember figuring out costumes, readjusting who the costume was supposed to be when it wasn't quite what we were aiming for, trying to explain to the neighbors what my costumes were, since I went from the more usual ballerina, or princess or gypsy (actually, not sure how usual that was- I was pretty little, it was Mom's idea), to "a girl from the shtetl" (redefined from what had started out as an attempt at Arwen), a Norse woman, based on a book I had about historical clothing, and somewhere in between the two groups, a vulcan, complete with sign saying "Have a Logical and Unemotional Halloween". Lots of pleasant memories, certainly- running around the neighborhood with my sister and for a couple of years, our friend from a street over with Dad trailing behind reassuringly, trading candy that I didn't like for candy Em didn't like afterwards, Mom rationing out candy/taking it and hiding it from us, realizing later on that if we snatched a piece here or there when Mom wasn't home, she wouldn't notice (ok, the last is a somewhat guilt-filled memory- oh well. Heck, for all I know, she noticed and just didn't say anything. That's entirely possible.).

And yet at this point, it feels like a Christian or pagan holiday, and therefore something that doesn't relate to me. Yet it did, for years and years. Not that I don't have a chance to dress up, Purim works pretty well for that- but I did that as a kid too, it isn't a change of focus, but a narrowing. It just feels strange for something that was significant no longer to be so, or even for me to want it to be so.

The odd thing to contemplate is that someday, G-d willing, I'll have a family, and what would I say to children about trick-or-treating? I don't really like the idea at this point- but does it really have ideological significance for kids under a certain age? Especially when their friends are doing it? I know, people make the same arguments about Christmas, and there's no way in heck I'd ever want to be part of an immediate family that did that. But telling children that they can't do what I did- it seems strange, although ideologically consistant. It would also have to depend on where I end up living- it would be much less pressure in a very Jewish/observant area than in the one where I grew up. It's also just a bit odd even to be thinking about it.

Halloween, A Forgotten Holiday?

Forgive the pretentious title, please.

But really, I kept forgetting that today was Halloween, until I'd see a bunch of people in costume, go "Why are they all dressed up like that?" and then remember that "Oh yeah, it's Halloween". I've been growing less and less invested, or even interested in the holiday for years now- I stopped trick or treating in 8th grade when I had a performance that night- I was in the pit orchestra for the Hamden High production of "My Fair Lady". It was definitely worth it, and I had another such performance the next year, and after that it no longer seemed worthwhile or interesting. But even freshman year here, I used it as an excuse to wander around in my bathrobe for a while (and kept getting mistaken for Juliet, which is, I suppose, the peril of having a bathrobe from somewhere around the 1950s- I got it at a now-closed vintage store near home, it's green, sort of quilted, has a collar and buttons, and a flared skirt). I don't particularly remember what happened last year, but I remember being aware of it: I think I used it as an excuse to wear a slightly eccentric set of dress clothes for Shabbat. THis year- couldn't give a darn.

That would make sense if I were coming from a background where Halloween wasn't a big deal, or wasn't done anything with. But that just isn't the case. We didn't make it a huge deal, but I dressed up every year from the time I was quite little and my parents were both choosing the costumes and dressing me, and carrying me around, nearly. We have pictures from years worth of Halloweens, and I remember figuring out costumes, readjusting who the costume was supposed to be when it wasn't quite what we were aiming for, trying to explain to the neighbors what my costumes were, since I went from the more usual ballerina, or princess or gypsy (actually, not sure how usual that was- I was pretty little, it was Mom's idea), to "a girl from the shtetl" (redefined from what had started out as an attempt at Arwen), a Norse woman, based on a book I had about historical clothing, and somewhere in between the two groups, a vulcan, complete with sign saying "Have a Logical and Unemotional Halloween". Lots of pleasant memories, certainly- running around the neighborhood with my sister and for a couple of years, our friend from a street over with Dad trailing behind reassuringly, trading candy that I didn't like for candy Em didn't like afterwards, Mom rationing out candy/taking it and hiding it from us, realizing later on that if we snatched a piece here or there when Mom wasn't home, she wouldn't notice (ok, the last is a somewhat guilt-filled memory- oh well. Heck, for all I know, she noticed and just didn't say anything. That's entirely possible.).

And yet at this point, it feels like a Christian or pagan holiday, and therefore something that doesn't relate to me. Yet it did, for years and years. Not that I don't have a chance to dress up, Purim works pretty well for that- but I did that as a kid too, it isn't a change of focus, but a narrowing. It just feels strange for something that was significant no longer to be so, or even for me to want it to be so.

The odd thing to contemplate is that someday, G-d willing, I'll have a family, and what would I say to children about trick-or-treating? I don't really like the idea at this point- but does it really have ideological significance for kids under a certain age? Especially when their friends are doing it? I know, people make the same arguments about Christmas, and there's no way in heck I'd ever want to be part of an immediate family that did that. But telling children that they can't do what I did- it seems strange, although ideologically consistant. It would also have to depend on where I end up living- it would be much less pressure in a very Jewish/observant area than in the one where I grew up. It's also just a bit odd even to be thinking about it.