![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Just a couple of mildly note-worthy things.
1. Yesterday I was searching my purse for the metro-card with money still on it, rather than the one that needs to be re-filled. There were about two other people nearby, and one of them looked over at me, reached over, and swiped me through. Perhaps they were tourists, trying to use up their metrocard before leaving- except that this was leaving Grand Central via subway, although anything is possible. (I'd met![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
orawnzva, his parents, and fiddledragon, who were briefly in town, for dinner, and then we walked around a bit before I headed back home. I do forget how busy midtown is- I'd met Steve to learn, walked from there to dinner, and was just amazed and annoyed by the crowds and the traffic.)
2. I don't have Shabbos dinner plans, for the first time in a very long time. It feels very strange. I went to the library this afternoon, so I'll have plenty of new and interesting things to read, but it still feels very odd. If I had any faith in being sent home with someone nice, I might ask to be set up for a meal after shul, but I don't know that I have the courage for an entire room full of strangers right now.
3. In fact, I haven't even decided on where I'm davening tomorrow. I'm very fond of my usual minyan, but it's a little bit of a shlep, and when they have a hard time making a minyan, I do get sort of frustrated. Perhaps I'll just see when I wake up (within reason), and decide based on how far I can walk without being late to shul. I don't know- force of habit is strong, but sometimes I get fed up with the non-egal nature of the place. All in all, this seems like it'll be a very quiet shabbos- and then the next two weeks I think I'm away- next week I think at my parents' place, and the following one in Florida withjakal88, visiting his grandmother and my grandmother. So- go figure.
4. The security guard at the library came up and asked me about my kippah. For once, I wasn't annoyed by the question- although I had a moment of anxiety when she came over to me, as I couldn't figure out what I might have been doing wrong...
It does make me think about virtue and patience. A lot of times, when I get fed up with being asked questions, or being asked to do things for other people, I complain, and I'm told that I should make better boundaries, so that people call on me less for their needs. I often find this sympathetic response comforting, because it makes me feel vindicated, but at the same time, it is deeply frustrating- because when I am fed up with these things, the underlying frustration is that I wish I weren't fed up with it, because I want to have the patience and the desire to help others that would let me continue doing these things without feeling put-upon. One of the more personally exciting moments of the interfaith conference I went to a few weeks ago was that some of the folks there understood that feeling, and were aware of that goal of getting to a point where it takes more and more to make you feel put-out. I just don't know how to get there.
1. Yesterday I was searching my purse for the metro-card with money still on it, rather than the one that needs to be re-filled. There were about two other people nearby, and one of them looked over at me, reached over, and swiped me through. Perhaps they were tourists, trying to use up their metrocard before leaving- except that this was leaving Grand Central via subway, although anything is possible. (I'd met
orawnzva, his parents, and fiddledragon, who were briefly in town, for dinner, and then we walked around a bit before I headed back home. I do forget how busy midtown is- I'd met Steve to learn, walked from there to dinner, and was just amazed and annoyed by the crowds and the traffic.) 2. I don't have Shabbos dinner plans, for the first time in a very long time. It feels very strange. I went to the library this afternoon, so I'll have plenty of new and interesting things to read, but it still feels very odd. If I had any faith in being sent home with someone nice, I might ask to be set up for a meal after shul, but I don't know that I have the courage for an entire room full of strangers right now.
3. In fact, I haven't even decided on where I'm davening tomorrow. I'm very fond of my usual minyan, but it's a little bit of a shlep, and when they have a hard time making a minyan, I do get sort of frustrated. Perhaps I'll just see when I wake up (within reason), and decide based on how far I can walk without being late to shul. I don't know- force of habit is strong, but sometimes I get fed up with the non-egal nature of the place. All in all, this seems like it'll be a very quiet shabbos- and then the next two weeks I think I'm away- next week I think at my parents' place, and the following one in Florida with
jakal88, visiting his grandmother and my grandmother. So- go figure. 4. The security guard at the library came up and asked me about my kippah. For once, I wasn't annoyed by the question- although I had a moment of anxiety when she came over to me, as I couldn't figure out what I might have been doing wrong...
It does make me think about virtue and patience. A lot of times, when I get fed up with being asked questions, or being asked to do things for other people, I complain, and I'm told that I should make better boundaries, so that people call on me less for their needs. I often find this sympathetic response comforting, because it makes me feel vindicated, but at the same time, it is deeply frustrating- because when I am fed up with these things, the underlying frustration is that I wish I weren't fed up with it, because I want to have the patience and the desire to help others that would let me continue doing these things without feeling put-upon. One of the more personally exciting moments of the interfaith conference I went to a few weeks ago was that some of the folks there understood that feeling, and were aware of that goal of getting to a point where it takes more and more to make you feel put-out. I just don't know how to get there.