A Busy Day, A Visit and Some Thoughts About What Goes On My Head

[debka_notion]

Today was busy in the extreme- and isn't over yet. Besides the usual array of classes I went to an orientation for a volunteer program I'm thinking about doing during lunch, and had an appointment with a therapist afterwards. And in my last class we had a midterm. So- I've been going pretty nonstop. And I believe I'll be going to a presentation on homosexuality and the implications of same-sex marriages in half an hour. And then ergood is coming to stay over before his interview tomorrow. So- a busy day all around.

Yesterday I went to visit sharonaf and her husband, and discovered that Brooklyn is in fact rather a shlep from here. But it was very good to see her, and to get to know him a bit more. It was a definite reminder that as much as I am comfortable in my rooms here, and no matter how lovely the folks around me are, there is a difference between someplace you live for a year and a real home. I can see the difference between my room and those of some of the folks who've been in this building in the same rooms for 3 or 4 years already. And it's very nice to be in a real home. It was also nice to be in a house rather than a giant building- I grew up in the suburbs, and there's a part of me that is just more comfortable in places that look like that, which I forget about when I'm somewhere else for a long time. But I find that the moment I got off the main street and into her area, which is quieter and residential, I just had this little internal relaxation. It always surprises me. And I realized we hadn't visited in a very long time, so I was very glad to visit and catch up. And her husband and I played a little bit of compare-those-rabbinical-schools, which was pretty interesting.

I've been having some interesting thoughts about head covering lately. Before I got to the seminary, I tended towards more scarves than kippot, because the questions that they got tended to be easier to answer, and they tended to be less noticed by folks who were secular or not Jewish, whereas kippot seem to be a matter for questions from every side. On the other hand, people who share more of my religious preferences tend to see them as marriage-indicators rather than head coverings for the purpose of making blessings, prayer, etc. So when I was seeing someone seriously, then it didn't matter so much- if someone asked if I was married, I could say no, I'm not, and it wasn't a big deal. But if I want people to know that I'm single- do I fold the scarf more, or does that not even work? Maybe not, maybe yes- I don't know. At the same time, I don't want people to think that I'm covering my head, or wearing a kippah because I'm in rabbinical school, and that it should be seen as something that observant men and female rabbis wear- I don't think that's the idea at all. Really, I think that that idea is almost more harmful than helpful; it presents rabbis as a separate category, rather than just as observant Jews. (It makes me wonder if I wouldn't be a better role model, if that's something that I want to be, as a "lay person".) And it's also worth the demonstration that a head covering can be anything that works: there's no particular intrinsic special power in a kippah. No matter what, I find that I send a message that isn't quite what I want to send. But going without anything doesn't send a message that I want to send either, and besides that, it wouldn't fulfill what I see as a very strong preference of the tradition. So that isn't an option. Maybe I should just just print a scarf and a kippah each with some version of this paragraph printed on them and wear those... In any case, sometimes I think it would be much more straight-forward to be Muslim....

Comments

[doctor-nine.livejournal.com]

To send any message at all is always to risk misunderstanding and certainly questions, and I can understand your discomfort with questions from all sides. But on the other hand, every question is an opportunity to make (in briefer form) some of the points you've made here. I know making a point out of some sense of personal responsibility for the situation of all observant Jewish women isn't why you're doing this, but heck, you might even inspire someone to feel okay about using your interpretation or a similar one.

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

You have a very good point. The problem, when there is one, is when people make the assumptions that would lead to questions, and then don't ask the questions, and presume that I'm married, or presume that I'm wearing the kippah because I'm a rabbinical student. That's what I want to avoid.

Not wanting to have to constantly answer questions is just that I myself don't always have the time or energy for that, when I want to just get my grocery shopping done, or when I want to dance and be social and be me-the-basic-self rather than being me-the-rabbinical-student.