debka_notion | Idealism

Idealism and Why I'm Still Doing the Conservative Jewish Thing
Several times lately, I've had these conversations where I end up thinking that yes, there's something impractical about doing this Egalitarian, Observant Conservative thing, and finding that it's a contrast between what would be practical and what I'm sticking to because I refuse to give up my idealism. The issue first came up, I think, talking with

hotshot2000 about egalitarian minyanim, and how they tend to be predominantly women. It's certainly a problem, with rather clear social roots: in American society, or particularly in Christian society, women are expected to be the religious ones, and men are expected to be not particularly interested. So when you let up on Needing Men and Men Only for religious responsibilities, Men stop feeling as interested, and the percentage of men who come to shul drops. This is a generalization- but it happens all too often, and it's a problem. I get that it's a problem. But to say that "Ideally, I think that egalitarianism is ok and even good, but it causes this social problem, so I'm not going to go by it" is just too much for my idealism- I want to Try other solutions to the problem at least first. (Anyone think that with all these women's Rosh Hodesh things, it might be a good idea to build up some good men's-only programming? I don't know that Men's Rosh Hodesh groups would work- but darn it, if we're going to make shul gender-equal space, and it really does feel like most people want Some sort of gender separate stuff occasionally- then Men deserve such programming too. If women get some, men should too. Just because I don't want my shul to be primarily men's territory doesn't mean that there shouldn't be some strong experience, preferally ritual in some way, say, monthly, that Is gender separate.) Anything new is going to have growing pains. I refuse to give up on my principles just because they're a little bit difficult.

The same goes for being associated with the Conservative movement/with egalitarian observant Judaism from the perspective of "almost no one outside the rabbinate and their families is really observant". I hear it all the time, I see it, etc. And I want an observant community. But I don't want to give up on my ideals just because the community that is already where I want my community is Orthodox or things approximating it. Sure, it's rough. But I'm not going to roll over and pretend to be something I'm not just because that's where I'm going to fit in better. I'm not ready to give up that idealism, for whatever it's worth.

The Weekend Thus Far
(Here's what's likely to be the boring part.)
Shabbos turned out pretty well- I had

masteraleph and a friend of his over for dinner, and managed not to make too much food for once. Shul in the morning was incredibly close and convenient, and then lunch was pleasant also. In the early evening, we went to Shakespeare on the Run and saw Love's Labors Lost, then made havdalah and hung around a bit. I joined folks for pizza before they headed out for a show, but as my subway took a while, it was a rather rushed eating, but luckily I was hanging out with

calliope_epic afterwards. We watched one of my favorite movies (Antonia's Line) and ate raspberries.

Today: people coming in the afternoon, dancing at night. Tomorrow, off to camp.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

That would actually be really interesting, to have some good, Rosh Chodesh-approximating men's-only programming. I bet you could come up with something good. I do wonder if participation would be as enthusiastic as women's-only stuff, though.

I mean, I imagine it would have to have a different focus/format. And I really don't know what would appeal. But I feel like if we're going to have this women's only stuff, men need some too.

I complained MANY times to my Hillel for sexually discriminating by having women's only events but no men only events. Every time they had a women's only event I complained, every time they just brushed me off.

Interesting. Yeah- our Hillel had a Jewish Women's group, and there were like 2 programs that were men-only. One was a one-time shiur about shaving, and the other was an advanced gemara shiur...

It being Hillel- did you offer to run said men's only event? That might have made a difference, knowing these organizations... Also, they might just not have had a clue of what to do. What would you have liked to have happen?

Well, no. But I'm guessing that I would have got just as brushed off. It was more the idea and advertisement that I was against. I do not want to be associated with a group that is sexually discriminatory. When Hillel advertised an AEPi party that was free for women and cost men, I complained to them then as well, and was brushed off. I took the flyer to the Office of Equal Opportunity on campus and got them to get an official warning. I wonder if I could have done the same about the women only events...

I share your frustration when it comes to finding observant Conservative communities (egal/nonegal is less relevant for me, though it would be nice to be able to read Torah... still, it's not like I can do that where I daven now...). I know of a grand total of two such communities: ours and Teaneck. Teaneck, of course, is an offshoot of the one here, as it is where all the JTS faculty members go when they want to move to the suburbs. That having been said, where there are two, it is *possible* to create more. My brother has this dream of getting a bunch of committed Conservative and/or Open-Orthodox Jews (as in, Conservative plus or minus the Orthodox ones) to create their own community together where people are observant.

But yeah, I can totally understand the frustration. Especially because Teaneck is *expensive*!

Well, if you include college communities, the one at Brandeis is pretty good. I mean, there are also the tons of folks who just come Friday night, but there's a solid core of observant folks. And there are parts of the community in Newton that are pretty good too. So I'm guessing there are a few others out there. BUt still- either all young people, or in expensive locations...

I would appreciate some men's programming. Growing up in a conservative shul, I found it frustrating that there were women's programs and egal davvening, but nothing for just men. (I generally prefer to davven in egal minyanim, but I felt left out whenever women's-only was announced.) I don't really know what sort of programming I'd want, though. I'd have to think about that.

Please do think about it- I'd be interested in hearing.

I've personally discussed with a friend many times that there should be Men's Seders where only men attend; the men can sit around and watch [u]The Ten Commandments[/u], swear impatiently while switching to the second video cassette, and then conclude with a belching competition (with optional practice periods during the viewing of the film).

I also did suggest with this same friend (and he agreed) that the Hillel on campus should have a Men's program circa Tu Bishvat to appreciate the hard-working male lumberjacks of Israel.

As far as I can tell though, nobody has incorporated these ideas into their communal ritual lives.

"אני כורת עצים ואני בסדר..."

*chuckles*

lol!

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