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On the concrete level, we had our first HaMakor rehearsal today. It went well, although for too long. THere are definitely some points in my choreography that really work, and definitely some that need tweaking, and a couple that need major league changes. There's one bit near the end of the last song where I have Matthew (Joseph) kneeling, as well as most of the 'brothers', and the other two 'brothers' standing and holding his arms. I never intended it, but it looks intensely like a Jesus scene. It Has to go. Absolutely out. But when we realized it- it was pretty funny, in a self-deprecating way, for me. But worth the laughs. I'd forgotten how amusing and silly these rehearsals can get. Especially Ari (the husband of one of the HaMakorites, whose house we're rehearsing at) volunteers his "creative" choreography, including super-fast bread that will be finished by the end of our dance, in case people get distracted, since we're dancing about wheat. We got creative with adjectives after a while, in some odd equivalent to getting punch drunk: happy wheat, angry hands, deceptive brother, exasperated hands... I still feel nervous about some of the choreography, but I know there are some parts at least that Really work. And then there are things that need help. We'll see what can be done.
On the abstract level- I was talking with a few different folks recently about lonliness, and especially lonliness in a crowd. And I was realizing, during one of these conversations, that in some ways I think of it the same way I think of any unhappiness- that it is a gift, in a way. It makes you more aware of life. In this case- it's a potent expression of how strong your individuality is, and that you're Not another lemming. Sure, it's painful, sure I hate it when it happens. But no, I wouldn't want someone to just take it away from me if they could. I'd be insulted, both my their suggestion that I couldn't handle it, and that I wasn't enough of an individual to feel that way. I don't know of this is foolish pride on my part, but well: I value my individuality, and if that means occasional lonliness, well, I'll pay the price. This is all beyond my suspicion of anyone who says they can fix my problems easily. With work, and with my involvement- maybe. But well- unless it's a physical problem, I don't believe in easy answers. Generally if it's easy, it isn't the best answer, in these situations.
I've made some interesting realizations about a few steves recently.
On the abstract level- I was talking with a few different folks recently about lonliness, and especially lonliness in a crowd. And I was realizing, during one of these conversations, that in some ways I think of it the same way I think of any unhappiness- that it is a gift, in a way. It makes you more aware of life. In this case- it's a potent expression of how strong your individuality is, and that you're Not another lemming. Sure, it's painful, sure I hate it when it happens. But no, I wouldn't want someone to just take it away from me if they could. I'd be insulted, both my their suggestion that I couldn't handle it, and that I wasn't enough of an individual to feel that way. I don't know of this is foolish pride on my part, but well: I value my individuality, and if that means occasional lonliness, well, I'll pay the price. This is all beyond my suspicion of anyone who says they can fix my problems easily. With work, and with my involvement- maybe. But well- unless it's a physical problem, I don't believe in easy answers. Generally if it's easy, it isn't the best answer, in these situations.
I've made some interesting realizations about a few steves recently.