Worries

[debka_notion]

I'm finding people's worries and my response to them interesting. That sounds very cold and hard-hearted. But really, when I'm done talking to someone, I can tell how they reacted to their worries and how I reacted to that. At least to some extent, of course. But really, I've found that some issues feel old hat to me, and others don't. That of course is mostly a matter of exposure. But unrelated to that, some seem to leave me worrying afterwards, and others don't. And it isn't always associated with how major a problem is. Sometiems it seems inversely related. If it's too big, and not directly related to someone I care about, I just put it off. And if it's too close, sometimes it just starts annoying me. And there's where I feel bad. I mean- if it affects someone I care about, then I ought to be worried, not annoyed at them for their misbehaviors or whatnot while they're wrapped up in whatever problem. But I find that I do get annoyed sometimes, and I feel like this is a failing on my part. I do try to hide it, but sometimes it gets hard. I don't remember feeling this way so much in the past. On the other hand, I don't think I had this much opportunity in the past. Not that my friends didn't have problems- they had plenty, but they were not so contantly present. Mom would probably say that this is a good sign: she's always wanting me to get more comfortable with annoyance/anger, etc. I know that would be healthy, but I don't like the idea, emotionally. I feel like it's a bad thing, not what I should be giving my friends or myself. But feeling mopey and hurt isn't any better. Is it? Getting angry almost feels like a betrayal of some sort.

In lighter news, we almost have the BORG catalog all set to go. It should be up quite soon- possibly next week. Now to bed, I've got minyan in the morning.

Comments

Nathan on anger

[(Anonymous)]

First of all, I enjoy dealing with other people's problems. as long as they appreciate your talking to them, there's nothing cold or callous with that.
About anger, I agree with your mother. It is not a betrayal. It is your right. Maybe someone along the line, you decided that anger was one of those things about which you were going to be better and different than other people. You know, like one wants to be always a better person. For example, one of the things central to my identity/pride/self is that I am not the sort of person, unlike "other men" who one hears about in songs, who uses women. Another sort of person who I am not a someone who drools over women/makes passes at them. I am a well-behaved boy.
I might be way off. But it's the only thing I can compare it to. I don't like getting angry either. I haven't been angry in... way too long. Except at you, for a bit. And at Noah before he was found. I think I only get angry at betrayal, and to betray me, you have to be at least a friend first. Which is why I can put up with a lot of bureaucratic nonsense (far too) patiently (for my own good, sometimes).
No, I don't have any advice. Just a thought that maybe it's like this.