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Yesterday wasn't so busy, I guess. I got up, wasted a bunch of time, ate lunch and lucked into a random amusing conversation about sci-fi with Jonathan, went to class, napped, dinner, rehearsal (Where I got to do a bunch of studying for m Hebrew quiz today), learning, and back to hang out with Dave, at which point I totally lost track of time. Oh well. Life goes on.
Speaking of random science fiction discussions, on the way back from dancing Monday night, Samara and I had an interesting discussion about Heinlein (why does Heinlein always come back to haunt me? I can't get away from him... No matter to whom I'm talking, his stuff always comes up eventually.) It was a nice balance for the usual Heinlein conversations I get into around here, where BORGling X goes "Heinlein's juvenile books are good, but the rest are gross, the man most have been a little crazy in his later years to write things with that much sex in them." Samara was much more interested in what the sex was there to be used for, rather to the opposite extreme of the previous folks. Myself- I don't really care so much. Sex in novels is there, if it isn't totally gratuitous, why should I care so much one way or the other? It is, however, hard to convey this idea to some of the folks to whom I've talked about it. OK- I've also been somewhat hesitant to say that too loudly because I'm somewhat afraid of what people would think of me. (So I'm telling them and the world here- go figure. I'm always better at things when they're written down instead of vocal.)I suppose the bottom line is that I don't really have a problem with Heinlein- I mean, the purpose of speculative fiction is to speculate. ANd if he wants to include marital structure in his speculations, why the heck not? Sure there are things in his books that in real life I'd probably find a bit odd, maybe even kind of disturbing- but I'm generally pretty good at seperating reality and fiction (at least when it's written fiction, and not on a screen).
Speaking of random science fiction discussions, on the way back from dancing Monday night, Samara and I had an interesting discussion about Heinlein (why does Heinlein always come back to haunt me? I can't get away from him... No matter to whom I'm talking, his stuff always comes up eventually.) It was a nice balance for the usual Heinlein conversations I get into around here, where BORGling X goes "Heinlein's juvenile books are good, but the rest are gross, the man most have been a little crazy in his later years to write things with that much sex in them." Samara was much more interested in what the sex was there to be used for, rather to the opposite extreme of the previous folks. Myself- I don't really care so much. Sex in novels is there, if it isn't totally gratuitous, why should I care so much one way or the other? It is, however, hard to convey this idea to some of the folks to whom I've talked about it. OK- I've also been somewhat hesitant to say that too loudly because I'm somewhat afraid of what people would think of me. (So I'm telling them and the world here- go figure. I'm always better at things when they're written down instead of vocal.)I suppose the bottom line is that I don't really have a problem with Heinlein- I mean, the purpose of speculative fiction is to speculate. ANd if he wants to include marital structure in his speculations, why the heck not? Sure there are things in his books that in real life I'd probably find a bit odd, maybe even kind of disturbing- but I'm generally pretty good at seperating reality and fiction (at least when it's written fiction, and not on a screen).
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From:
Gee, who might you be talking about?
Hi, Maya!
You don't need to agree with people all the time in order to get along with them. Personally, I do feel that Heinlein uses gratuitous sex too often in his later years. It seems you don't. Ok! Why don't you tell me that when Heinlein comes up, instead of just agreeing with me? Perhaps you can help me understand what he uses it for.
You have to believe, Maya, that you're right, that you have a reason to feel what you feel. Just because someone else doesn't feel that way right off the bat doesn't mean that you should pretend to agree with them. It's dishonest -- how would you feel if you had a conversation with someone and then later found out she'd been feeding you 'little white lies' the whole time? Much worse, I should think, than if you had a stimulating conversation in which each expressed her own views!
Humans aren't meant to be chameleons. There is such a thing as blending in out of politeness -- keeping your voice, for example, at the same volume as other folks', using language on a level with what they use, none of which you have problems with -- but that doesn't extend to erasing your own personality. When I have a friend, I want to know something about her. And the fact that she doesn't trust me enough to tell me her own opinions doesn't count, because that just makes me sad.
It makes me feel like a bad friend, because my friends feel they have to pretend around me. It makes me feel like a fake, because the people I know aren't being themselves, but the sort of person they think I'd like. And I'm a big proponent of people being themselves.
Please be yourself around me, Maya. I can't deal with feeling like an awful person. This matter has come up a lot in your posts, but the only way I could solve it is by refraining from expressing an opinion in your presence -- which would make conversation a bit odd, as I'm rather an opinionated person. You need to help solve it too. You hate being taken for an agree-er? So stop agreeing. People will not care for you less because of it.
If you want to talk about these matters -- and that includes yelling at me for laying a guilt trip on you -- you know my number, I believe. Or you know someone who can find it for you.
Have a good evening,
Me
From:
Re: Gee, who might you be talking about?
I would like to talk about this in person at some point- but that can wait until we both have some time. In the meantime- part of what happens is that when I hear something enough, I do start to agree with it for a while. And it's much less you and much more some of the other BORGlings whom I know less well, or who come across as wanting to be protected in that way. With you at least, I try to put up front what might be important to you, and maintain my own opinions after that. It doesn't always work- but I'm trying. I mean, I have to make a disclaimer that piece of fiction x does have more sex than you might enjoy, if I"m going to talk about it favorably. But then I do feel sort of bad for not having a problem with something that people I care about disapprove of. It makes me feel immoral, or something like that, even though I don't think I am, particularly. It's kind of odd. I get caught up in my own internal mazes, I guess.
From:
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