Religious Perception

[debka_notion]

We had dinner with my grandmother and her boyfriend tonight- at what was from everyone else's reactions a quite nice restaurant- but which had exactly 3 regular entrees that I could have. Sort of a pain, but well- for family one does these things.

That said, my grandmother worried rather audibly over my diet- she kept thinking I was a vegetarian, and from there on to other religious topics- she can't seem to understand that I do indeed wear pants. She keeps wanting to take me pants shopping- then saying something about forgetting that I just wear "those long skirts". I've corrected her any number of times. I'm not sure why the idea is so difficult- I wear pants. ALways have, don't see any reason why I'd stop. If I can keep track of people's allergies and often a few of their strong distastes in food- is it so difficult to keep track of my dietary restrictions or similar choices? I know, I'm kvetching. But my family seems to perpetually either just forget that I keep kosher entirely, or presume that I also have all sorts of other dietary restrictions that I haven't chosen at all. I just don't understand the associations.

Comments

[cornflake62.livejournal.com]

A lot of the time when I tell people I'm allergic to milk, or if they see me looking for dairy-free options in a restaurant or something, the next time they're eating with me or preparing food for me they'll remember something about no-dairy and assume I'm vegan. Or they'll just remember that I have some sort of dietary restriction, and think I'm vegetarian and suggest a nice mac-and-cheese or something. Grr. I suppose, at least when they think I'm vegan, that's better than forgetting entirely and trying to serve me food that will make me die, but still.. I understand what you mean. It can be a pain for people to think you're pickier or follow stricter guidelines in food or in dress than you actually do.

[shirei-shibolim.livejournal.com]

I've put up with things like this, mostly from my family relating either to my practice or Terri's family's inclinations. People seem trained not to perceive certain kinds of social subtlety.

It reminds me of an episode of King of the Hill in which the main character meets his new neighbors, who are clearly of some Asian stripe:

"So, are you Chinese or Japanese?"
"Actually, we're Laosian."
"Um . . . okay. But are you Chinese or Japanese?"
"Neither. We're from Laos."
"But what I want to know is, are you Chinese or Japanese?"
"LAOS! WE'RE FROM LAOS! SMALL LANDLOCKED COUNTRY IN SOUTHEAST ASIA, POPULATION TWO MILLION"
[Awkward pause]
"Uh huh. Are you Chinese or Japanese?"

[fleurdelis28.livejournal.com]

How many entrees does one need to be able to eat at a given visit to a given restaurant?

[skyblue-dreamer.livejournal.com]

Some people are picky eaters and want a lot of choices.

[navelofwine.livejournal.com]

One.

To put this in perspective:

My mother-in-law has acid reflux disease, so she can't eat anything spicy or acidic. She also can't eat anything gassy and is allergic to cooked peppers and soy. (You'd be surprised by the number of foods that contain soy.) For some reason she can't eat rice, either. And she is rather picky when it comes to foods that she can eat.

My father-in-law had bypass surgery recently. He cannot eat anything containing saturated or trans fat.

And of course, there's kashrut.

There is one Italian restaurant in the Boston area at which we can eat when my in-laws come over. They make a very nice grilled tuna steak and have wonderful coffee. The last time we went the tuna steak was no longer on the menu. I was mortified. Fortunately, one of their "specials" was halibut in pepper sauce. Of course, my mother-in-law couldn't have the sauce, and there were some complaints that the fish was overdone, but relatively speaking, I would consider that outing a success.

Sorry to whine. In response to debka_notion's original post: I think families are inherently annoying. You kind of have to love them anyway. They put up with you, even though you're a long-skirt wearing vegetarian fanatic ;-)

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

*chuckles*
Yup, gotta love them, regardless. Besides, they also give me things like kosher cookbooks, and confusing jewelry.

[shirei-shibolim.livejournal.com]

Confusing jewelry?

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

E.g. very odd watches that I'd never wear, with little rhinestones that move around on the face, and transparent purple hard plastic bands, necklaces with random rectangular crystals as the decoration... And an idea that I really love purple. Not sure where she got that one either. Go know.

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

It isn't that I need to be able to eat more than one, it's that none of the three appealed to me. It was also just the definition of "DOn't worry, they have fish, you'll be able to find something you like to eat" being one fish thing and a couple of variations on pasta that seemed sort of odd. Somehow "fish I will eat" and "things that live under water" aren't yet really seperate in their minds. Oh well- they can also ask me if I'm a vegetarian while watching me eat fish, so I oughtn't complain too much...

[fleurdelis28.livejournal.com]

Some vegetarians eat fish.

I keep forgetting that fish and shellfish are not naturally distinct in the minds of most people. It depends a lot, I think, on one's frame of reference.

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

I've heard such people referred to as "kosher-vegetarians"- if kashrut doesn't call it meat, they don't either. I know folks who do that. But generally vegetarian means no meat by the fuller definition, as far as I can tell.

But fish and shellfish aren't distinct in the mind of a woman who kept a kosher house for her father-in-law for a number of years?

[bobtheslinky.livejournal.com]

Believe me, it's so infuriating when my mother can't remember basic food dislikes; I just feel neglected and deprived and ignored, etc.

Your choices aren't that weird, they seem pretty easy to understand. Maybe you don't see your grandmother often enough for her to remember? Heh... she wants to take you pants-shopping.

Your grandmother has a boyfriend? So does mine!

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

My grandmother likes to take me shopping, when she sees me, which isn't so often now that she lives in Florida pretty much all year (she's in the northeast now for 6 weeks). But still...

My grandma and her boyfriend have been together for somethign like 7 years now. My grandfather died when I was in 4th grade, and she waited a year or so and started dating again- at first quite casually, but the man she was with before Eli, she was with for quite a while. She and Eli are practically married- they live together, etc, but don't want to actually get married because it would mess up all the inheritance stuff of what should go to their respective children when they pass away.

[bobtheslinky.livejournal.com]

My grandfather didn't die too long ago.

I think my grandma's just playing the field.

[tirerim.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know what you mean -- I've been to plenty of restaurants where the only things I could eat were an appetizer or two and the desserts, which don't exactly make for a meal. And I hate it when people try to tell me that I'll get deficiencies or whatever because I don't eat meat.

[qianian.livejournal.com]

no offense, but I think it's knock-down hilarious that you're vegetarian.

[tirerim.livejournal.com]

:-p Meh -- I don't really feel the need to justify it. Blame Sharples. And I had known for a while that I could be vegetarian, but nothing had motivated me before. (When I told Johnson, who has known me for over a decade, he was not at all surprised.)

On the other hand, a bit of experimentation has revealed that I still can't stand the taste of soy milk, so I won't be giving up dairy anytime soon.

[cornflake62.livejournal.com]

How many different kinds of soy milk have you tried? Different brands all have different tastes, and you might like it better with or without vanilla flavoring... I don't actually know you (or maybe I do, I just don't know who you are..), so this must seem kind of random, but I love soy. Soy milk, soy cheese, soy ice cream, tofu.. you name it. And I remember before I developed my milk allergy I didn't like soy milk either. But then when it was the option of soy or nothing, I started having the soy stuff, and now even if I could have dairy milk, I still wouldn't.

[tirerim.livejournal.com]

First, I should explain that I normally drink skim milk. I can handle 1%, but 2% or higher just tastes like heavy cream to me, and I can't stand it. And every soy milk that I've tried (even the "light" ones) is much too thick, like 2% or whole. And besides that, they're all too sweet. I like several other soy products -- tofu, edamame, soy sauce, tofu dogs -- but I find that I'm much less often (though still occasionally) a fan of soy masquerading as other things.

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

Try diluting it a bit? That's what my mom does with things like orange juice- or well, pretty much any juice because she thinks that they're too sweet.

[skyblue-dreamer.livejournal.com]

I love soy too! Let's play with soy in our kitchen! Yay kitchen!