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I was just leafing through a book entitled Daughters of the King: Women and the Synagogue and found in it in the back, in the section labelled "personal vignettes" a suggestion for a ceremony to be carried out at shul, presumably during the torah service since there's a mi sheberakh as part of it, for the affirmation and acceptance of a pregnancy. It's by Tikva Fryer-Kemsky, which does explain a bit, she tends towards to radical a bit. But it seems to contradict the traditional practice of not telling unnecessary people until after the first trimester (or later, possibly- is it maybe 4th month? I'm not sure, it's not an area I know much about), and also just to feel contradictory to the nature of synagogue prayer in some sense. It might be a lovely thing to do with one's spouse/life-partner/co-parent, or even with immediate family around, but the length (a few pages, mostly in English, and I really did just skim it) and the nature, much of which is in the language of vow-taking, seem to be a bit too private for official synagogue life.
This ritual does seem to embody much of what I find both fascinating and very uncomfortable about creative ritual. It's all a bit too out-front and loud and unambiguous. One of the things that I love about ritual is that it does carry more than one meaning and more than one possible intention. Perhaps it is simply that age allows for greater freedom of interpretation since the words are slightly removed from the colloquial, or that for a ritual to have lasted this long, it has to have tapped into some level of symbolism below the obvious. But creative ritual is often the sort of thing that is very powerful for the individual in the right place for it, but doesn't speak to most people, or because it doesn't have the weight of tradition behind it, takes a larger effort to get to speak to you. It also tends to be much more specific, and while that can be beneficial, it can also detract from the power of the ritual/text. Many of the creative rituals that I've read about/read the text of/seen seem to be too specific to the culture and to the time. But I'm not sure how to get around that besides allowing a ritual to sink or swim and see if it catches on, and what changes happen to it along the way.
I also see a problem, personally, with rituals that publically announce bodily changes terribly publically. The body is so intensely personal and unique that centering rituals around it, especially in our culture, can be as much a curse for some people as a blessing. There is, as something I read pointed out, a reason why the bar mitzvah was standardized to the age of 13 rather than the original time when a boy was considered obligated for himself in the commandments- the growth of two pubic hairs. Rituals that center around body-changes can be threatening and unpleasant- either for the person undergoing the change, or the people around. A young person dreading puberty may not necessarily be best helped by a ritual for that change- some may, some may not. On the other hand, someone longing for that change is going to be hurt by attending the ritual celebrating it for someone else. (Admittedly, by this reason we shouldn't celebrate marriages in public. But that's another story.) And while I hold very strongly to the rabbinic concept of the body being an integral part of the self and holy, there is an aspect of holiness that is traditionally kept as a private sort of holiness, and I think most things related to the body in these ways fall into that category. I am intensely fond of ritual, and I tend to find it very personally effective- but in distancing the "official/public" side of Judaism from these aspects of the life-cycle, I think the tradition was rather wise.
I think some people like these concepts because they see it as a way of creating authentically female-centered Jewish experiences to correspond to traditionally male ones. But in this way I think they are, to some extent, missing the point- the traditional male Jewish experiences are not body-focused, and I think that if one is going to create female-specific spiritual experiences, focusing them on the body is cheating women of something. I think it is also cheating men of something spiritual, and of the equal possession of that creative religious energy.
This ritual does seem to embody much of what I find both fascinating and very uncomfortable about creative ritual. It's all a bit too out-front and loud and unambiguous. One of the things that I love about ritual is that it does carry more than one meaning and more than one possible intention. Perhaps it is simply that age allows for greater freedom of interpretation since the words are slightly removed from the colloquial, or that for a ritual to have lasted this long, it has to have tapped into some level of symbolism below the obvious. But creative ritual is often the sort of thing that is very powerful for the individual in the right place for it, but doesn't speak to most people, or because it doesn't have the weight of tradition behind it, takes a larger effort to get to speak to you. It also tends to be much more specific, and while that can be beneficial, it can also detract from the power of the ritual/text. Many of the creative rituals that I've read about/read the text of/seen seem to be too specific to the culture and to the time. But I'm not sure how to get around that besides allowing a ritual to sink or swim and see if it catches on, and what changes happen to it along the way.
I also see a problem, personally, with rituals that publically announce bodily changes terribly publically. The body is so intensely personal and unique that centering rituals around it, especially in our culture, can be as much a curse for some people as a blessing. There is, as something I read pointed out, a reason why the bar mitzvah was standardized to the age of 13 rather than the original time when a boy was considered obligated for himself in the commandments- the growth of two pubic hairs. Rituals that center around body-changes can be threatening and unpleasant- either for the person undergoing the change, or the people around. A young person dreading puberty may not necessarily be best helped by a ritual for that change- some may, some may not. On the other hand, someone longing for that change is going to be hurt by attending the ritual celebrating it for someone else. (Admittedly, by this reason we shouldn't celebrate marriages in public. But that's another story.) And while I hold very strongly to the rabbinic concept of the body being an integral part of the self and holy, there is an aspect of holiness that is traditionally kept as a private sort of holiness, and I think most things related to the body in these ways fall into that category. I am intensely fond of ritual, and I tend to find it very personally effective- but in distancing the "official/public" side of Judaism from these aspects of the life-cycle, I think the tradition was rather wise.
I think some people like these concepts because they see it as a way of creating authentically female-centered Jewish experiences to correspond to traditionally male ones. But in this way I think they are, to some extent, missing the point- the traditional male Jewish experiences are not body-focused, and I think that if one is going to create female-specific spiritual experiences, focusing them on the body is cheating women of something. I think it is also cheating men of something spiritual, and of the equal possession of that creative religious energy.
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Well, maybe with the exception of a B'rit milah, which is about both a part of the body being modified and carries the significance of entry into the community.
When developing ritual, the author should consider those who have to sit through it and aren't involved. Adding pages of text to the service for something personal is not the way to go. All of the mi she'berach prayers for an aliyah, sickness, thanks to God, Bar/Bat mitzvah, an upcoming marriage, childbirth, etc. are one paragraph long. They're also about things that are more or less personal.
From:
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That's an excellent point. Also stark language leaves much more to interpretation, which seems to be one key for making things sustainable over changing times and cultures. These things are personal, but they are also the sorts of things that have a direct effect on the community. Ceremonies involving onset of menstruation, menopause, etc are about things that just aren't terribly relevant to the non-familial community. Pregnancy lies on the cusp of that distinction though. Still...
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1) There's already a Misheberach on giving birth -- how many times does a pregnancy have to be liturgically acknowledged? After all, the production of the kid is the main event, without which the fact of pregnancy sort of loses most of its significance. I could see something quick praying for the health of the mother and success of the pregnancy, but that could be fit in fairly unobtrusively in a standard sort of post-aliyah Misheberach, if you have a gabbai who's in the habit of making those.
2) What exactly is meant by vow-taking? And what vows do you take in the context of a pregnancy anyway? I don't think you even take any vows in response to an actual birth (maybe in the bris or naming, but not the Misheberach), which entails much more responsibility. What are they vowing, not to smoke, drink, fly during the third trimester, or fail to pay child support if they get divorced in the next nine months?
3) And what exactly is meant by acceptance of a pregnancy? I hope that's not as creepy as it sounds, with the implication that the opposite of acceptance is rejection. Traditional Judaism may not consider a fetus a human life, but I don't think it's big on abortion-at-will, either.
4) Also, if the goal is gender equivalence, you'd have to argue that we have a Misheberach for men on getting their wives pregnant. Unless I've really missed something, I'm pretty sure we don't.
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2- pretty much exactly that. I remember that included a promise not to "drink coffee or ingest caffeine in any form" as well as no drinking, etc.
3- I think so- it was a Strange ritual. Traditional Judaism holds, from what I've learned, that a fetus' life comes second to that of the mother- but barring a danger/threat to her life/health, she's obligated to go through with the pregnancy. How loosely one interprets a "threat" depends on the posek and the personal conditions- I've heard issues of emotional health cause a posek to allow for an abortion, and I've heard about other poskim who won't allow one for anythign other than a serious physical health risk. But yeah- the system is set up to require some sort of major risk in order to countenance abortion.
4-Well, this ritual did have a short set of optional bits for the husband/father to participate with- about supporting the mother-to-be in her "Great effort" and some stuff like that. Naturally, if one doesn't hold with multiple-person aliyot, this causes a problem, unless one person just comes up while the other person recites the blessing. Well, you wouldn't have to argue that we Don't have one, it's that to be gender equivalent, you might have to argue that we Should have one. Which makes a Bit more sense if you take a twisted halakhic view of the matter- that one should make a blessing (if you're calling this a blessing- again a major stretch) as close to the finishing of the action as possible (it being a post-facto blessing)... On the other hand, one could argue more than easily that the matter isn't really finished. And well- eep. What happens if one miscarries after all this fuss?
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2) Eek! I was hoping I was being absurdist. Was there at least an appropriate quote from the messanger's injunction to Samson's mother? (I also tend to be suspicious of any liturgy that feels the need to get that specific -- couldn't you just say, "I promise to guard my baby's health," or something? There's something weird and unsacred about an institutionalized blessing that explicitly includes the renunciation of coffee.)
3) And besides, this seems to be the sort of ritual for people who should be expected to do their affirming or rejecting of pregnancy before finding themselves actually pregnant. Obviously many people's lives fall out otherwise, but those people probably have better sense than to be boring the congregation with a liturgical rendition of their personal saga mid-Torah-reading. And regardless of how strongly Judaism feels about abortion, it's clearly not supposed to be a casual option -- I'm not sure I can think of any religious tradition that believes that. A fetus may not be a human life, but it is a potential human life.
4) That last bit is probably the most important, and probably why there's so much reticence in Judaism to publicize pregnancy. Never mind the Evil Eye, or whatever -- back in the day, you couldn't really be sure you had a kid for keeps until it had survived a month (or even then, but you have to draw the line somewhere), and these days miscarriages are still fairly frequent. Giving birth is still quite iffy, as life goes. Somehow I'm remembered of a scene in Patricia Wrede's Talking to Dragons, where Daystar thanks Morwen for fixing his hand, and she tells him to thank her later when the bandages come off -- not that she doubts her work, but there's no sense in getting ahead of things. So unless pregnancy is an event worth celebrating even if it doesn't produce a child -- which seems unlikely to be the sentiment of most people -- it's probably best to hold out for the actual event.
For the Misheberach angle, though, I've seen aufrufs and such where they just get both people up to the Torah, and do the blessing under the aegis of one aliyah. Shouldn't matter how many people are speaking in the ritual, since it's not really part of the aliyah itself -- after all, gabbaim generally give misheberachs.
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2- No quote that I saw, just a fairly long list of promises in English made in front of the congregation. That "unsacred" covers my feelings exactly.
3- Yeah- I can't quite see someone who isn't so happy about being pregnant doing this. I dislike using ritual to reinforce already potentially painful situations.
4- Miscarriages are also most common in the first trimester at that. Yes, should it happen, one wants consolation- but there's only so many comments that help before they start getting embarassing. And what about women who miscarry more often than they carry to term? Do they really want that in full sight of the congregation? As far as several folks have told me, pregnancy in and of itself is generally not so much fun for large parts of it. I don't see why we'd want to celebrate that without its connection with the production of new life.
That was my point exactly- that that would work. I think I raised an issue and answered it all at once.