Cultural Stereotypes and Offensiveness

[debka_notion]

"Eat lots of food and help snip my hair. Make me Finally look like a real boy!!" -Chabad rabbi, in an email putting words into his 3 year old son's mouth.

I suppose that means that my 3 and a half year old cousin Daniel with long hair isn't a "real boy". Or that my uncle, several male friends with long hair, and at least one former teacher aren't real men either. I'm kind of contemplating emailing back and being offended- their standard isn't the only one around here. I know men who look perfectly manly with long hair. I know it isn't in their cultural preference for boys over the age of 3 to have long hair- but that doesn't imply that there aren't perfectly real boys out there with long hair. (What's an unreal boy?) I don't know if they're just being oblivious in their attempt to be cute, or if they're really out to make statements that say that the way a number of people I'm close to deal with their hair is illegitimate. If the latter, I want to send a nice upset and angry email in their direction.

Comments

[bobtheslinky.livejournal.com]

I definitely don't think it's a deliberate statement against men with long hair; it is, though, thoughtless and it would be alright to write an email.

[gimmelgirl.livejournal.com]

Actually, I think culturally, Hassidism would sorta agree that long hair does not a real boy make. There are prohibitions against cross dressing and very specific gender ideas, so I would gather that the cultural norm is only for women to have long hair. I agree that it is offensive, but we are talking about a worldview that finds women in pants - men's clothing - to be unacceptable.

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

Yes, but they're sending this to a wide group of people, most of whom are far from Hassidic. When dealing with a diverse group, you can't impose your cultural ideals on them in one large dump- you can try to persuade, or better yet, explain, but you can't assume.

[shirei-shibolim.livejournal.com]

I imagine the rabbi in question would be mystified at being told that his letter had seriously offended someone.

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

Oh it isn't serious- just offense when I read it early in the morning after under 6 hours of sleep. But- still trying ot figure out if it's worth a mild mannered email explaining how it was a bit offensive.

[fleurdelis28.livejournal.com]

My two immediate reactions were:

1) Good Lord, he's THREE already?! (Assuming you're referring to the Chabad rabbi I think you are.)

2) Chabadniks watch Pinnochio?

[tovah623.livejournal.com]

Keep in mind, Mendel happens to look somewhat girly w/ his hair that long. So it may just be a statement about him and not about all men w/ long hair.

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

I never thought he looked that girlie, but I also don't see him that often, and am used to my little cousin who also looks kind of girlie at first. I suppose it could be just a statement about him, but it didn't seem that way, at least to my reading of it. DId it to you?

[fleurdelis28.livejournal.com]

If they're like other similarly observant couples I've known, they may just be sick of having their child's gender misguessed. Or Mendel might be. Does he ever hang out in the company of unfrum three-year-olds?

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

I can definitely sympathize with that. After all, when I was jsut a tad older, someone came up to my mom and told her what a cute son she had (I had a bowl cut, being one of those children who get their food absolutely Everywhere) and I vowed then and there to grow my hair, with the result being my current choices of haircut.

I have no idea with what other children Mendel hangs out. I've never seen. As for my little cousin, my uncle and aunt are seriously in teh hippy mold of things, and both have quite long hair themselves, so I guess they don't care... Weird- I jsut didn't think of that, so much.