Missing Out?

[debka_notion]

I just read a post about Baalei Tshuva, Converts and the "COnverstion Experience" or the like. I know a number of people who have this moment where they decide "I want to do this religion thing all the way", or "This, in precisely this fashion, is Right". It's something I'm rather jealous of. It seems to be decidedly socially approved of in religious circles (although it's likely to get one looked at as a wacko in the secular world), and other people get all big-eyed about it. I mean, yes, I'm sure it must be a beautiful spiritual experience. But it leaves those of us who do a lot of struggling with where we are religiously and what exactly our duties and boundaries are, out in the cold. What's the role of someone who still isn't exactly sure about such things in a world where sudden flashes of momentary realization are the ideal? People complain that spirituality is harder for those who have no non-religious past to change from. That's something I can't speak to one way or the other. But when BTs are expected to have had some almost magical flash of decision, and That is what they are good for, in some way, it puts those of us who just keep walking and right now we're here but we're not sure if this is the end or a rest-break in a weird place. And well, it seems like some sort of catharsis that I'm missing that I'm supposed to have had.

Comments

[redlily.livejournal.com]

Though the observances themselves might take more work (e.g. that stupid feather & candle bit around Pesach), there is an element of being Suddenly Ortho! (that's what I like to call it) that's easier than doing what I think you're doing. I mean, it's like filling a mold as opposed to crafting your own. I can see how you'd be jealous, but I'd let them be jealous of you: the work you're doing to create your own version of your religion is a long, interesting conversation with the Lady Upstairs that will likely never end. I'd much rather be forging a new path than just treading the same old one . . . though I admit it can get tiring. But hey, if we're not wandering and asking questions, we're not really doing the Jewish thang.

(This incoherent rambling brought to you by a sugar O.D. and being the last one to go to bed.)

[bobtheslinky.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's my current proximity, but I'm amongst a whole bunch of BTs "in transit." There's no such thing as settling, EVER, I'm told. I too have been wishing to stumble upon the Just Right path of Judaism for me, and have yet to find the right combination. What I've learned is that one must look for a community that *feels* right, as well as a Rav who understands you and whom you'd like to emulate. Thank Gd, I've found a Rav or two here at Nishmat I really like. Good luck in your search, and it's ABNORMAL, I think, to have a one-second epiphany.

[orawnzva.livejournal.com]

It's completely possible to have a Moment without stepping into a mold, just as it's possible to fall in love without suddenly knowing what your beloved wants for breakfast. The question is, does the path that you are on help you to find meaning? If it does, then it's the right path.

Life is a journey, but it's not my understanding that we're expected to arrive, as such. If you have questions, dance with them. I've had occasional moments of mystical clarity, usually to tell me that I'm asking the right question — almost never to tell me the answer.

I think I'm too tired to render that less poetically cryptic. What time zone is it?

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

Sha, I think I got it. I'm find with poetic crypticism, usually.

Get some rest.