Blugh

[debka_notion]

Sorry to kvetch- but my upcoming map quiz on biblical Israel (of the era of Joshua through the early prophets) and I are not getting along. I am not good at spacial stuff, not at maps in general, and this is just not going terribly well. COuld be worse- but could also be much better.

Otherwise life is ok but tired. I'm jittering about my interview and therefore not being as time-efficient as I could be, and was up too late last night kvetching about some silly shtick in my personal life (having Nothing to do with my obsessive nonsense with minyanim, I promise) and talking to Steve who lives downstairs. And then I lead Shacharit this morning, and seem to have managed all the nusakh correctly, if slightly clunkily. But no one else seems to have objected, so I figure that counts as doing pretty well.

Comments

[scaberry.livejournal.com]

If it makes you feel better I go in waves between distracting myself, talking about my interview and feeling like I'm going to puke...or a combination.

I can't wait till I'm done with this...

[hatam-soferet.livejournal.com]

Ducks, you'll be fine. You're always at minyan and you do well in classes. What could they possibly object to?

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

I don't know- somehow I feel like there has to be something they won't like.

And I don't have any good answers for whatever varient of the "why do bad things happen to good people" question. I don't know. That's how life is, and I don't even think knowing the answer would really help anyone anyways. But everyone seems to get asked that one, it sounds like.

[hatam-soferet.livejournal.com]

"nobody knows, and anyway theological answers don't generally help people who've had bad things happen to them, not modern people anyway, and the only useful thing one can do is try to make things better in one's sphere of influence"?

[gimmelgirl.livejournal.com]

that's for sure. nothing comforted me when i lost my mother, and i would have belted anyone who even attempted to spew Kushner at me.

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[hatam-soferet.livejournal.com]

Nothing could comfort someone going through that, and talking theology to someone who's grieving is horribly insensitive. Not that I ever know what to say, mind you. I'm sorry for your losing your mum.

[gimmelgirl.livejournal.com]

You don't have to know all the answers - you're young and dude, that's what five years of school are for.
You just need to know how to say what you might think - and "I don't really know" is a fine answer, if you can articulate the struggle a little bit. Even then, you may not ever know the answers to some questions. And the answer to other questions is, "I don't know, but I know where I might look it up or whom I might consult." I learned that the hard way in an interview at a prosecutor's office once.

Your davenning was lovely, silly. My only complaint was more of a gabbai one - it's the rare occassion that we can all daven fast enough to squeeze out both a repetition and a Torah reading in time for breakfast; I would have preferred a heichei kedushah on a Monday Torah reading morning. But part of that also was that my linen shirt was cutting off the circulation on my tefillin arm, so I was a little ansy.

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

Please keep telling me that- I don't believe it when I tell myself. And that's a very good way of putting things: it seems more honest and reasonable than the people who keep telling me to play the "I don't know, but that's why I want to come here- to learn how to answer that question and questions like it" card, which feels very artificial.

It's a hard balance, and one I'm ambivalent about myself. I mean, my ridiculous obsessive aspect of myself likes my full repetition. But my more practical self is very fond of breakfast, and wants to make sure everyone gets to eat, because eating is very important. So- I figure there's somethign to make me happy no matter what the gabbaim decide that morning, unless I'm in a lousy mood, in which case I can be satisfactorily cranky either way...

You know, I have shirts that I can only wear on shabbos or when I change partway through the day because I can't roll them up high enough to accomodate my tfillin. It's both sort of funny and rather annoying. If it was a major issue though- could you maybe just take your tfillin off a bit early? I mean, you'd already fulfilled your hiyyuv, no questions asked...

[hatam-soferet.livejournal.com]

I like your full repetition too. Heicha kedushas in shacharit drive me potty (actually that's why I usually daven downstairs when I make it in for morning minyan).

And I have shirts like that! Isn't it weird to have to pick out your clothes for the day based on your projected ritual activities?

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

They do feel weirder for Shacharit- because neither the heche kedusha nor the regular amidah feels Complete. On the other hand, I have to admit that occasionally they are very practical. (Starting minyan 5 minutes earlier would probably solve the problem, but that would make people cranky.)

I guess it is, but I suppose it's no different from packing a shawl for the ritual part of a wedding you're attending, if one is the ok-with-uncovered-shoulders type on one's own. It just happens a lot more often.

[shala.livejournal.com]

You never have to be sorry to kvetch. If I said that at the beginning of my posts that needed it, I think about 80% of my posts would start with that sentence. :) (Or maybe they should. But you complain about stuff like, once in a blue moon. So.)

Maps are kind of horrible.

You'll be totally cool for your interview! You are awesome! NEVER FORGET.