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I took a serious day for myself today. I did very little during most of the day- I spent a chunk of time napping without having to worry too much about where I needed to be right afterwards, and just hanging around. I should have done homework, but I just seriously needed some time just to be. It worked out well- I went to minyan, had a surprise breakfast visit, spent the day relaxing, and then went to a talk about Judaism in the Czech Republic and then to dancing this evening, where I think I spent nearly as much time talking with Steve as dancing.
I'm finding it both interesting and rather frustrating that I can't go to dancing and just dance and hang out anymore. Someone always has to pull the "oh, she's a rabbinical student" card, and I get questions. And I'm happy to have those conversations, but I wish I could have them without the professional hat on. I know, this is going to be my life. And some of it is that this is still a new dance community for me, and will be for a while. Once people get to know me, a bunch of the questions get answered, and don't have to be asked again. Also, then I'm a person, and not just a role, so they can just chat comfortably, hopefully. We'll see how this theory works out. But what used to be a social outlet is now only partially that. But when I have to have this very artificial conversation about how person x whom I've never met was such a great hebrew school principal, just because she was also a rabbinical student and wore a kippah, well- it's frustrating. So was the conversation last night from someone who saw me the one time I was at KOE and wanted to know why I hadn't gone back since, after he had already spoken disparagingly of the same d'var torah that folks had praised at lunch on Shabbos, and then needed me to explain that halakha isn't a monolithic thing- that there is often more than one acceptable halakhic opinion on any issue depending on origin, time period, circumstances, approach, etc, and all that visible within Orthodoxy alone... I know, that's exactly the sort of education I want to put out there. But to be almost chastized for not showing up somewhere to daven by someone who has no idea why I would or wouldn't chose to go there regularly felt unpleasant.
I'm finding it both interesting and rather frustrating that I can't go to dancing and just dance and hang out anymore. Someone always has to pull the "oh, she's a rabbinical student" card, and I get questions. And I'm happy to have those conversations, but I wish I could have them without the professional hat on. I know, this is going to be my life. And some of it is that this is still a new dance community for me, and will be for a while. Once people get to know me, a bunch of the questions get answered, and don't have to be asked again. Also, then I'm a person, and not just a role, so they can just chat comfortably, hopefully. We'll see how this theory works out. But what used to be a social outlet is now only partially that. But when I have to have this very artificial conversation about how person x whom I've never met was such a great hebrew school principal, just because she was also a rabbinical student and wore a kippah, well- it's frustrating. So was the conversation last night from someone who saw me the one time I was at KOE and wanted to know why I hadn't gone back since, after he had already spoken disparagingly of the same d'var torah that folks had praised at lunch on Shabbos, and then needed me to explain that halakha isn't a monolithic thing- that there is often more than one acceptable halakhic opinion on any issue depending on origin, time period, circumstances, approach, etc, and all that visible within Orthodoxy alone... I know, that's exactly the sort of education I want to put out there. But to be almost chastized for not showing up somewhere to daven by someone who has no idea why I would or wouldn't chose to go there regularly felt unpleasant.