Word Choice Pet Peeve

[debka_notion]

If baffles me when people refer to someone else's significant other, well, boyfriend, as "the boy". First off, because I've never heard a girlfriend referred to as "the girl"- and if someone did, the guy to whom they were speaking would probably get offended. Secondly, and more importantly, by this point, and to my mind if one is dating at all, one is more than a child. "The/your man", perhaps might be acceptable, although that carries all sorts of other undesired overtones, and the gender reverse issue still applies. I often go for "your/the young man" which must have other issues, but at least gives everyone involved some aspect of adulthood, and "your/the young lady" is also fairly unobjectionable. It does sound rather formal, but I rarely have a problem with that. Thirdly, it could apply just as easily to one's son as one's significant other, and that would be problematic indeed.

Comments

[belu.livejournal.com]

What's wrong with 'boyfriend'? The only people I know who'd object to that term are those who would prefer 'pretty thing'.

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

Nothing at all, although for significant others of my grandparents' generation, I'm all in favor of gentleman-friend. The "what's wrong with boyfriend" issue is about what I was raising- why do you have to shorten a perfectly good word to one that's annoying, inaccurate, and potentially offensive.

[coeus559.livejournal.com]

I've heard both "the girl" and "the woman", but only in very informal situations.

-Alex

[fleurdelis28.livejournal.com]

As Miss Manners has pointed out, a "young lady" is in fact a girl who has just behaved dreadfully.

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

I think it has to do with intonation- in this case, no one seems to feel like it means a girl who behaved badly, although it's the only case where I've used young lady or heard it used that doesn't have that connotation. In some crowds I might even ask after "your lady", but outside of sf/f geeks or the SCA, that wouldn't sound very normal...

[navelofwine.livejournal.com]

I feel funny saying this, having just read a 300-page diatribe against radical feminism, but it seems to me that when the subject is male, people don't take the possessive or diminutive overtones seriously. It's generally thought of as jokingly affectionate. When the subject is female, people think "patriarchal domination," and I'm not sure that's altogether unjustified.

That said, I did stop referring to DH as "boy" or "my boy" after the wedding. Now he's "my man." (He had a long childhood.)

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

I know- it's strange that one can get away with saying all sorts of things to a guy/man/boy that you couldn't to a gal/woman/girl. And with my usual desire to play fair, I try to avoid that sort of usage. I do hope that doesn't make me a radical anything.

[skyblue-dreamer.livejournal.com]

I've heard, on occasion, people referring to significant others as "so-and-so's boy" but not "so-and-so's girl". Language stuff is interesting.

[tirerim.livejournal.com]

It occurs to me that men used to use "(possessive) girl" to refer to girlfriends quite a bit, so women using "boy" might well be a reaction against / imitation of that, even if "girl" isn't used that way anymore. But then again, it might have nothing to do with that.

[thevortex.livejournal.com]

Actually, the ones that really bug me are "lady friend" and "your woman." The former is too archaic, and the latter is just horribly chauvenistic.

Huzzah!

The Vortex

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

Exactly my point. If "your woman" is an issue, and if I knew I was being referred to that way, I'd certainly find it problematic- than saying "you man" oughtn't be better.