I found myself musing about how I get to know people. Not how I meet them- that's either obvious or random enough. But the actual process of going from "hmm, I think this is a person whose company I will appreciate" to "this is a person I am getting to know" to "this is someone I actually know". Sometimes it happens so fast that I don't really notice it, especially people I meet at intense sorts of programs, or where we have enough friends in common that I've heard about them before, and things just sort of fall into place. But other times, it seems to stretch out for so long that I spend months and months being friends with someone without feeling like I actually know who they are, or metaphorically where they live. The first time that happened that I was aware of it (not the first time that it has happened of course) was my first year in NYC, where I started having friends I saw pretty much only on the weekend, and mostly on Shabbat, and here were these people I was very fond of (and still am, I certainly don't mean to imply that that aspect of things is only in the past) but whom I didn't know particularly well at all for quite a while. I found it quite disconcerting.
Some of that is happening here as well, which is hardly a surprise, since I'm with my classmates with a few additions during the week, and see other friends much less often. I'd like to see them more- I'll have to find ways to work that into my schedule, as we can manage it. In the meantime, I'm often left with this sense where I am assembling my image of someone sort of by cutting-and-pasting aspects of my perception of them into a mental image by using who else they remind me of in different ways. So one new friend reminds me a bit of![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
noam_rion , and a bit of my talmud chevruta from last year, and a bit of a friend from youth orchestra from high school, etc, etc. As I fill in more of who Steve reminds me of, he/she becomes more and more him/herself, until I can drop all the "reminds me of x"s. It's a little bit more nuanced than just labeling character traits, at least. But of course, like any crutch, it's overly vague and can still lead me wrong. It gets frustrating, and I get impatient, sometimes. However, it sure beats not meeting and getting to know people.
Some of that is happening here as well, which is hardly a surprise, since I'm with my classmates with a few additions during the week, and see other friends much less often. I'd like to see them more- I'll have to find ways to work that into my schedule, as we can manage it. In the meantime, I'm often left with this sense where I am assembling my image of someone sort of by cutting-and-pasting aspects of my perception of them into a mental image by using who else they remind me of in different ways. So one new friend reminds me a bit of
noam_rion , and a bit of my talmud chevruta from last year, and a bit of a friend from youth orchestra from high school, etc, etc. As I fill in more of who Steve reminds me of, he/she becomes more and more him/herself, until I can drop all the "reminds me of x"s. It's a little bit more nuanced than just labeling character traits, at least. But of course, like any crutch, it's overly vague and can still lead me wrong. It gets frustrating, and I get impatient, sometimes. However, it sure beats not meeting and getting to know people.