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After our first week back to a "real-life" schedule (really, our first shot at it, as since our last "full week", H's school schedule has changed, I've acquired a relatively hours-intensive part-time job, and H has started night seder twice a week- I join him for it once a week), we were not quite feeling like hosting a shabbos meal- so we did something quite unusual for us, and had both meals on our own. It was both lovely- lots of time together, after a very busy week, and a somewhat calmer Friday in preparation- and also left me feeling like that is a lot of time on our own to make conversation through all of. It was worthwhile- but next time, I might try to think of some things to talk about, as well. I love talking to H about pretty much anything and everything- but everyone has quiet moments.
Sunday was also a lot of "just us" time, although a good amount of it was spent on homework, and on phone calls with my family. I feel a bit bad- H's family seems to get less of our phone time, and we're missing talking to them- but they're not as firmly scheduled in, and so things get in the way of the call... This is definitely something to work on. On the other hand, I had a long and lovely conversation with my sister, which was a very nice surprise.
This week promises to be just as busy as last week, if not more so, as it will culminate in a weekend at my parents' place, and the celebration of my grandmother's wedding on Motzei Shabbos. So- we need to fit shabbos preparations and packing (and outfit choices) into the week, along with travel time and the like. Should be good- but should definitely be busy.
And today, I take a 9 year old trick-or-treating, or at least pass out candy for his mother while he goes with a peer in the building- details still TBD. I'm thinking curiously about what approach to Halloween I want to stand behind, and I really don't know. Excuses for costumes and candy come around only so often- but the "not Jewish" aspect is a worry. We'll see what I think tomorrow, I guess.
Sunday was also a lot of "just us" time, although a good amount of it was spent on homework, and on phone calls with my family. I feel a bit bad- H's family seems to get less of our phone time, and we're missing talking to them- but they're not as firmly scheduled in, and so things get in the way of the call... This is definitely something to work on. On the other hand, I had a long and lovely conversation with my sister, which was a very nice surprise.
This week promises to be just as busy as last week, if not more so, as it will culminate in a weekend at my parents' place, and the celebration of my grandmother's wedding on Motzei Shabbos. So- we need to fit shabbos preparations and packing (and outfit choices) into the week, along with travel time and the like. Should be good- but should definitely be busy.
And today, I take a 9 year old trick-or-treating, or at least pass out candy for his mother while he goes with a peer in the building- details still TBD. I'm thinking curiously about what approach to Halloween I want to stand behind, and I really don't know. Excuses for costumes and candy come around only so often- but the "not Jewish" aspect is a worry. We'll see what I think tomorrow, I guess.
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From:
WRT Halloween
And if Halloween's going down for having Pagan origins that have been completely reinterpreted, it's taking all of the chagim down with it, especially Sukkot.
About the only good reason I can think of to avoid Halloween is that the *last* thing I need right now is another energy-consuming holiday.
From:
Re: WRT Halloween
And as far as energy-consumption, it seems like a different sort of energy.
I guess this is just another instantiation of the "how much do we participate in secular culture, and how do we choose" debate, for me. Thanksgiving is definitely in, ditto Memorial Day and July 4th, for all that I rarely do much for either. But those are instantiations of national culture and patriotism. Halloween seems to fall into that category with Valentine's Day and St. Patrick's Day, which I feel much less comfortable with, and I can't quite put my finger on why.
From:
Re: WRT Halloween
From:
Re: WRT Halloween
From:
Re: WRT Halloween
From:
The middot aspect
1) Lots of things are fun, but only for people who want to play. When people indicate that they're not playing, you have to respect that. And you also have to actively look for indications of whether someone wants to play or not. (Eg -- someone who has decorations probably welcomes trick or treaters, someone with the porch light off probably does not).
and also
2) It's not ok to ruin other people's fun. People who smash pumpkins or vandalize things are jerks, and it's important (and easy, actually) not to do that sort of thing. This is something we always talked about explicitly and respected.
and also
3) Getting stuff is fun and showing off is fun, but it's *also* nice to give other people stuff and admire other people's stuff. Almost everyone who trick-or-treats also gives out candy; everyone who dresses up also sees other people's costumes. Reciprocity is a really good lesson to learn.
From:
The energy aspect
But it's ok to use energy for things that are valuable. And I think that kids having fun is important and worthwhile, *especially* in the context of a well-established tradition that kids enjoy, and especially when denying it to them also takes active effort and makes them unhappy.
From:
And also
Jewish kids who keep kosher don't get to go out for pizza with the other kids. Or eat birthday cake brought in by other kids parents. Or celebrate Christmas -- and mainstream culture spends *weeks* every year telling everyone how great Christmas is, how terrible it is to miss out on it, and how joyless people who choose not to do it must be. Or eat the donuts the other kids have during Pesach. And any number of other things.
That's necessary, but kids pay a price for it, and I think it's something they should not be asked to bear lightly. I think it's something that should only happen when it's clearly vital that they abstain -- and Halloween just doesn't seem to me to be anywhere *near* hitting that point.
From:
other holidays
St Patrick's day is also different because it is an extremely ethnically loaded holiday. For Irish Americans, it's about being specifically Irish. Irish-American parents sometimes come into schools to be ethnic at the students. Which I think means it's much more actually in the category of *davka* goyish things rather than things that the goyim do which we can also do if we want.
From:
Re: other holidays
And I wouldn't prohibit a kid from participating at school, I think- but participating at home might send a different message. You know, the difference between "sharing someone else's tradition with them" and it being "ours". On the other hand, you're right about all the things a Jewish kid doesn't get- although they do get other things, including another chance to dress up, come springtime. I think that if I was going to encourage kids not to trick-or-treat, I'd aim to make hanging out and giving out candy something really special, with benefits that you'd miss if you were trick-or-treating. But that's compensation, presuming that I'd already decided against... So it's jumping the barrel- or whatever that expression actually is, that I'm not remembering.