(no subject)

"That said, communities will have their silly standards. Wouldn't it be easier on everyone if it were made clear that hats, headscarves, and the like are just as acceptable as kippot?" -navelofwine in another forum

In fact, most other things might be better than kippot I'd think- I've had people make assorted comments about the insufficient size of many kippot. The advantage that I see in kippot is simply that they fit more easily with tfillin. I'm glad I started with a kippah when I started wearing tfillin, since arranging the tfillah shel rosh around a scarf takes some effort.

I do find it interesting that it seems much easier to feminize male clothing (take very clearly feminine kippot, women's suits, etc) than to make female clothing acceptable for men. Women have more options in clothing in general, and here it's no exception. Our society lets women take and alter men's clothing with fairly little fuss. But for a man to take and alter something originally female seems to happen much less. I mean, there's a word "to feminize", but as far as I know, not "to masculinize". It is interesting that egalitarianism seems to stay so rooted in public space, or public action- prayer, the synagogue, the workplace... Inside more personal areas, things change less- women still light the Shabbat candles in general (well, when I'm home, we have 2-4 candles, with 2-4 people lighting. If I light alone, I light 2. If I light with Mom, we each light 2. If my father or sister joins, Mom lights two and the other person and I light one. If it's all four of us, we each light one. But halakha is not a real concern for my family.), no one has suggested that men up their standards of modesty to match that of women, or say, cover their hair after marriage. Even the idea seems mildly absurd to me, and I'm someone who's willing to entertain the idea. It is just more acceptable for women to adopt male territory than for men to adopt female territory. For men, it seems like being effeminate, not like creating equality.

And yet, I don't want to necessarily create a mono-gendered society. I think that pushing things that far is rather ridiculous, for the most part. I do see gender difference has having more of a place in private spheres than public ones. But what those differences ought to be, and how to establish those differences without leaving unequal burdens is a problem that I don't see a particular full solution to. Maybe it'll take a few more generations before we can see the way to best make those changes. It's been such a short time, in the history of Judaism, or anything, that we've been working on egalitarianism in this way- it's no surprise, I suppose, that the kinks haven't been worked out yet. At the same time, I can sometimes be very impatient about it.

(no subject)

"That said, communities will have their silly standards. Wouldn't it be easier on everyone if it were made clear that hats, headscarves, and the like are just as acceptable as kippot?" -navelofwine in another forum

In fact, most other things might be better than kippot I'd think- I've had people make assorted comments about the insufficient size of many kippot. The advantage that I see in kippot is simply that they fit more easily with tfillin. I'm glad I started with a kippah when I started wearing tfillin, since arranging the tfillah shel rosh around a scarf takes some effort.

I do find it interesting that it seems much easier to feminize male clothing (take very clearly feminine kippot, women's suits, etc) than to make female clothing acceptable for men. Women have more options in clothing in general, and here it's no exception. Our society lets women take and alter men's clothing with fairly little fuss. But for a man to take and alter something originally female seems to happen much less. I mean, there's a word "to feminize", but as far as I know, not "to masculinize". It is interesting that egalitarianism seems to stay so rooted in public space, or public action- prayer, the synagogue, the workplace... Inside more personal areas, things change less- women still light the Shabbat candles in general (well, when I'm home, we have 2-4 candles, with 2-4 people lighting. If I light alone, I light 2. If I light with Mom, we each light 2. If my father or sister joins, Mom lights two and the other person and I light one. If it's all four of us, we each light one. But halakha is not a real concern for my family.), no one has suggested that men up their standards of modesty to match that of women, or say, cover their hair after marriage. Even the idea seems mildly absurd to me, and I'm someone who's willing to entertain the idea. It is just more acceptable for women to adopt male territory than for men to adopt female territory. For men, it seems like being effeminate, not like creating equality.

And yet, I don't want to necessarily create a mono-gendered society. I think that pushing things that far is rather ridiculous, for the most part. I do see gender difference has having more of a place in private spheres than public ones. But what those differences ought to be, and how to establish those differences without leaving unequal burdens is a problem that I don't see a particular full solution to. Maybe it'll take a few more generations before we can see the way to best make those changes. It's been such a short time, in the history of Judaism, or anything, that we've been working on egalitarianism in this way- it's no surprise, I suppose, that the kinks haven't been worked out yet. At the same time, I can sometimes be very impatient about it.