Another Post On Head and Hair Covering

I've returned to one of my favorite topics for musing, and have been thinking about head covering and hair covering lately.

My first through is less related to myself. THe basic premise is that if a married woman's hair is really supposed to be erva (nakedness, more or less), then how come for many women, seeing photographs of her without a hat on- either from before she was married, or taken at home or in all women's gatherings, seems to be ok? Or would there be a difference between the two categories of pictures, in some cases? In either case, the fact that there seems to be little objection (this is based on social observation, not halakhic research- it's a question worth investigating on that level too, of course, it's just that I only started thinking about this over shabbos.) to letting people see pictures of something that is nominally erva.

In thinking about this, I realized that it seems to parallel a similar reaction to photographs that I have as a BT/quasi-BT/whatever the heck I am. I mean, I have photos of myself in my album dressed in things that I'd never go out in public in now, that show things that are certainly a halakhic problem. But I'm not taking them out of my album, or even trying to hide them when showing my album to male friends. On the other hand, if I were Actually naked (but not a little kid- naked photos of children under a certain age are just different), those photos wouldn't be in my album, and I'd be hugely embarassed if a guy saw them. I think it reflects the difference between halakhic norms and social norms- so that even though we dress by halakhic norms, the way we regard photos seems to be more guided by social norms based on the norms of outside society to at least some extent.

The other issue is more relevant to my personal practice. So, I wore a different kippah this shabbos, and received all sorts of "oh, I like that one" "oh, that kippah is much more comfortable for me to look at" sorts of comments- it's one of the large sort of hat-like ones. It was interesting to hear that my friends do still find a woman in a kippah a little strange. On the other hand, when that woman isn't me, even I sometimes notice it as being a little surprising- it seems to fall into two or three categories for me (this being Purely social right now): there are 1. women where a kippah looks like the most normal thing in the world, where I react just like I do to kippot on men's heads, 2. women whose kippah looks like a visual item that you can tell is putting them into "I'm at shul now" mode, and 3. women whose kippot look Uncomfortable, like they shouldn't be there, like they're trying to make a feminist statement without feeling comfortable with the actual item, or where they're trying to say "I'm a rabbi" or "I'm an official Jew" rather than "I'm a religious Jew".

That third category is the one that is, I think, most familiar to most people, and I think that that's caught up in why I sometimes feel that a kippah sends a sort of a funky religious message to the world, because most women who hold the way I do in general would never, ever wear a kippah. So, just like scarves send this inaccurate "I'm married" message, kippot often feel like they're sending this inaccurate "I'm religiously Very liberal/Reform" message. Headbands just don't feel like headcoverings, in general, even though they cover just as much as plenty of kippot. So I'm thinking about alternating between kippot and scarves rather than doing primarily one or primarily the other. Maybe that way they'll sort of balance the inaccurate messages, and cancel eachother out or something. That and maybe keep my eyes open for a few more nice kippot of the hat-like sort.

Another Post On Head and Hair Covering

I've returned to one of my favorite topics for musing, and have been thinking about head covering and hair covering lately.

My first through is less related to myself. THe basic premise is that if a married woman's hair is really supposed to be erva (nakedness, more or less), then how come for many women, seeing photographs of her without a hat on- either from before she was married, or taken at home or in all women's gatherings, seems to be ok? Or would there be a difference between the two categories of pictures, in some cases? In either case, the fact that there seems to be little objection (this is based on social observation, not halakhic research- it's a question worth investigating on that level too, of course, it's just that I only started thinking about this over shabbos.) to letting people see pictures of something that is nominally erva.

In thinking about this, I realized that it seems to parallel a similar reaction to photographs that I have as a BT/quasi-BT/whatever the heck I am. I mean, I have photos of myself in my album dressed in things that I'd never go out in public in now, that show things that are certainly a halakhic problem. But I'm not taking them out of my album, or even trying to hide them when showing my album to male friends. On the other hand, if I were Actually naked (but not a little kid- naked photos of children under a certain age are just different), those photos wouldn't be in my album, and I'd be hugely embarassed if a guy saw them. I think it reflects the difference between halakhic norms and social norms- so that even though we dress by halakhic norms, the way we regard photos seems to be more guided by social norms based on the norms of outside society to at least some extent.

The other issue is more relevant to my personal practice. So, I wore a different kippah this shabbos, and received all sorts of "oh, I like that one" "oh, that kippah is much more comfortable for me to look at" sorts of comments- it's one of the large sort of hat-like ones. It was interesting to hear that my friends do still find a woman in a kippah a little strange. On the other hand, when that woman isn't me, even I sometimes notice it as being a little surprising- it seems to fall into two or three categories for me (this being Purely social right now): there are 1. women where a kippah looks like the most normal thing in the world, where I react just like I do to kippot on men's heads, 2. women whose kippah looks like a visual item that you can tell is putting them into "I'm at shul now" mode, and 3. women whose kippot look Uncomfortable, like they shouldn't be there, like they're trying to make a feminist statement without feeling comfortable with the actual item, or where they're trying to say "I'm a rabbi" or "I'm an official Jew" rather than "I'm a religious Jew".

That third category is the one that is, I think, most familiar to most people, and I think that that's caught up in why I sometimes feel that a kippah sends a sort of a funky religious message to the world, because most women who hold the way I do in general would never, ever wear a kippah. So, just like scarves send this inaccurate "I'm married" message, kippot often feel like they're sending this inaccurate "I'm religiously Very liberal/Reform" message. Headbands just don't feel like headcoverings, in general, even though they cover just as much as plenty of kippot. So I'm thinking about alternating between kippot and scarves rather than doing primarily one or primarily the other. Maybe that way they'll sort of balance the inaccurate messages, and cancel eachother out or something. That and maybe keep my eyes open for a few more nice kippot of the hat-like sort.

Idealism

Idealism and Why I'm Still Doing the Conservative Jewish Thing
Several times lately, I've had these conversations where I end up thinking that yes, there's something impractical about doing this Egalitarian, Observant Conservative thing, and finding that it's a contrast between what would be practical and what I'm sticking to because I refuse to give up my idealism. The issue first came up, I think, talking with hotshot2000 about egalitarian minyanim, and how they tend to be predominantly women. It's certainly a problem, with rather clear social roots: in American society, or particularly in Christian society, women are expected to be the religious ones, and men are expected to be not particularly interested. So when you let up on Needing Men and Men Only for religious responsibilities, Men stop feeling as interested, and the percentage of men who come to shul drops. This is a generalization- but it happens all too often, and it's a problem. I get that it's a problem. But to say that "Ideally, I think that egalitarianism is ok and even good, but it causes this social problem, so I'm not going to go by it" is just too much for my idealism- I want to Try other solutions to the problem at least first. (Anyone think that with all these women's Rosh Hodesh things, it might be a good idea to build up some good men's-only programming? I don't know that Men's Rosh Hodesh groups would work- but darn it, if we're going to make shul gender-equal space, and it really does feel like most people want Some sort of gender separate stuff occasionally- then Men deserve such programming too. If women get some, men should too. Just because I don't want my shul to be primarily men's territory doesn't mean that there shouldn't be some strong experience, preferally ritual in some way, say, monthly, that Is gender separate.) Anything new is going to have growing pains. I refuse to give up on my principles just because they're a little bit difficult.

The same goes for being associated with the Conservative movement/with egalitarian observant Judaism from the perspective of "almost no one outside the rabbinate and their families is really observant". I hear it all the time, I see it, etc. And I want an observant community. But I don't want to give up on my ideals just because the community that is already where I want my community is Orthodox or things approximating it. Sure, it's rough. But I'm not going to roll over and pretend to be something I'm not just because that's where I'm going to fit in better. I'm not ready to give up that idealism, for whatever it's worth.

The Weekend Thus Far
(Here's what's likely to be the boring part.)
Shabbos turned out pretty well- I had masteraleph and a friend of his over for dinner, and managed not to make too much food for once. Shul in the morning was incredibly close and convenient, and then lunch was pleasant also. In the early evening, we went to Shakespeare on the Run and saw Love's Labors Lost, then made havdalah and hung around a bit. I joined folks for pizza before they headed out for a show, but as my subway took a while, it was a rather rushed eating, but luckily I was hanging out with calliope_epic afterwards. We watched one of my favorite movies (Antonia's Line) and ate raspberries.

Today: people coming in the afternoon, dancing at night. Tomorrow, off to camp.

Idealism

Idealism and Why I'm Still Doing the Conservative Jewish Thing
Several times lately, I've had these conversations where I end up thinking that yes, there's something impractical about doing this Egalitarian, Observant Conservative thing, and finding that it's a contrast between what would be practical and what I'm sticking to because I refuse to give up my idealism. The issue first came up, I think, talking with hotshot2000 about egalitarian minyanim, and how they tend to be predominantly women. It's certainly a problem, with rather clear social roots: in American society, or particularly in Christian society, women are expected to be the religious ones, and men are expected to be not particularly interested. So when you let up on Needing Men and Men Only for religious responsibilities, Men stop feeling as interested, and the percentage of men who come to shul drops. This is a generalization- but it happens all too often, and it's a problem. I get that it's a problem. But to say that "Ideally, I think that egalitarianism is ok and even good, but it causes this social problem, so I'm not going to go by it" is just too much for my idealism- I want to Try other solutions to the problem at least first. (Anyone think that with all these women's Rosh Hodesh things, it might be a good idea to build up some good men's-only programming? I don't know that Men's Rosh Hodesh groups would work- but darn it, if we're going to make shul gender-equal space, and it really does feel like most people want Some sort of gender separate stuff occasionally- then Men deserve such programming too. If women get some, men should too. Just because I don't want my shul to be primarily men's territory doesn't mean that there shouldn't be some strong experience, preferally ritual in some way, say, monthly, that Is gender separate.) Anything new is going to have growing pains. I refuse to give up on my principles just because they're a little bit difficult.

The same goes for being associated with the Conservative movement/with egalitarian observant Judaism from the perspective of "almost no one outside the rabbinate and their families is really observant". I hear it all the time, I see it, etc. And I want an observant community. But I don't want to give up on my ideals just because the community that is already where I want my community is Orthodox or things approximating it. Sure, it's rough. But I'm not going to roll over and pretend to be something I'm not just because that's where I'm going to fit in better. I'm not ready to give up that idealism, for whatever it's worth.

The Weekend Thus Far
(Here's what's likely to be the boring part.)
Shabbos turned out pretty well- I had masteraleph and a friend of his over for dinner, and managed not to make too much food for once. Shul in the morning was incredibly close and convenient, and then lunch was pleasant also. In the early evening, we went to Shakespeare on the Run and saw Love's Labors Lost, then made havdalah and hung around a bit. I joined folks for pizza before they headed out for a show, but as my subway took a while, it was a rather rushed eating, but luckily I was hanging out with calliope_epic afterwards. We watched one of my favorite movies (Antonia's Line) and ate raspberries.

Today: people coming in the afternoon, dancing at night. Tomorrow, off to camp.