The Formalist 10 Days Apology

[debka_notion]

I used to/still do think that the formalism of apologizing to pretty much everyone you can see is rather silly, in and of itself. It rarely actually deals with stuff that you're actually upset about. But it does clean the air, or make it clear that the air is clean, sometimes, and for that it is useful. Still, it's this moment of awkwardness that sometimes seems only very vaguely useful- it almost seems like it isn't worth it, often enough.

But then I just thought about that moment of awkwardness and the reassurance that generally follows it from friends that they have forgiven any minor trespasses and that there have not been major ones. It really does give you this moment of fairly intense connection with the other person, rather like the end of a fight but without the fight preceding it, and that can be a little boost to strengthen a relationship. I think that going into Yom Kippur with solid interpersonal relationships is probably a very good thing. So perhaps the goal of what is usually more ritual than functional discussion of offenses has a more subtle purpose.

Comments

[gallusgallus.livejournal.com]

I probably should apologize to my friend Sarah in accordance with this Jewish tradition. We had a vicious fight about four weeks ago and haven't been on speaking terms since, which has vastly increased the serenity of life. I know she wants me to apologize and this seems like a good opportunity/excuse to do it, but I predict that if I do she'll say something to make me even angrier.